


After Prime

by aprilserein



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Adora (She-Ra) has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Violence, Bow Is a Good Friend (She-Ra), Canon Compliant, Canon Continuation, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (She-Ra), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Adora (She-Ra), Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Let Catra (She-Ra) Say Fuck, Let Glimmer (She-Ra) Say Fuck, Mentioned Horde Prime (She-Ra), Parent Micah (She-Ra), Post-Canon, Post-She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Season 5, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Queen Glimmer (She-Ra), Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, Trauma, catradora
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27990261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aprilserein/pseuds/aprilserein
Summary: Victory against Horde Prime. Against all odds, the Rebellion won. And as the dust from war settles, issues come into focus.And there's a lot to unearth and process.
Relationships: Adora & Bow & Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Bow (She-Ra), Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow & Catra & Glimmer (She-ra), Bow & Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra), Glimmer & Micah (She-Ra)
Comments: 44
Kudos: 145





	1. The Pinnacle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Panic Attack

Adora plops on the grass and stares down, letting the ache sink in as her emotions start to as well. She-Ra may have mostly healed her superficial wounds, but Adora still feels today’s battle weighing down on her. Though the Failsafe was activated, she could still remember the feeling of its pulsating warmth freezing over as Prime’s virus took over her body, disabling it and her. So close to death, so close to failure, and close to losing Catra, who refused to leave. This time it would’ve been her fault if Catra had perished. She shudders at the thought and grips tufts of grass in front of her, trying to pull herself back into the present moment.

Catra, who was talking to Scorpia, turns to call her over and notices her pensive state. Over the last few weeks, Catra saw it was evident that her best friend had changed in the last three years without her. The Adora she knew was still there--warm and caring, perfectionistic yet reckless, and painstakingly heroic--but there was now something new, at least to Catra, hidden behind her small smiles and reassuring words. She saw it in her eyes as Adora gazed down at Catra’s small and shattered body in the brig after barely escaping Prime. It rested on her lips but never came out when she’d try to summon She-Ra, fighting through some inhibition. Under Mystacor, it made her tremble, as Shadow Weaver’s words tried to poison her and Catra’s thoughts. Later last night, she could see it overtake Adora as Catra pushed her away. It hurt her to leave, especially after seeing Adora quavering in and out of such a state, but Catra thought that Adora had chosen the Failsafe over her, and she fed off of that familiar feeling of anger. But once that fire burned out and all Catra was left with was a deep painful heartache, Adora’s trembling form resurfaced in her head, and she knew she had to go back. And when she finally reached her in the Heart, Catra could see Adora drowning in it as Prime’s virus sealed her in shut--shuddering her breaths, draining her livelihood, tremors in her hands, and a decided resignation sinking into her face--and Catra didn’t know how to pull her out of it or what it meant. All she knew was that it was a pensive and deep fear, a reservedness, that Adora never shared with anyone. Whatever it was, whatever thought caused Adora that much unease and inner turmoil over the past weeks, it was dangerous and would harm her. At that moment, Catra refused to leave her again, even if it killed her--which, at the time, seemed to be their fate. 

And now she can see remnants of it grazing across Adora’s back, like familiar shadows that hover, but never fully detach. Catra gently approaches her, sits down on the grass in front, and shifts her gaze to Adora’s face to try and read her. Adora doesn’t register Catra in front of her. 

"Hey, Etheria to Adora,” Catra calls, yearning for Adora to make eye contact, anything to pull her out of her thoughts. “You okay?” She puts her hands on Adora’s and looks into her eyes.

Adora snaps out of her daze and turns to Catra. "Yeah, just a bit tired." She smiles quickly, but it doesn't reach her eyes. Her hands unclench the grass and flip to fit in Catra’s. Catra keeps her focus on Adora, giving her hands a gentle squeeze.  _ C’mon Adora, talk to me _ . A flash of hesitation sits on Adora’s face, not long, but enough for Catra to see it. Adora’s fingers lightly squeeze back after a pause, and she gets up and pulls Catra with her. 

She’s more present now. She has to be. And she turns to Catra, meeting her worried expression with a forced smile. Catra’s not convinced. Trying to push it a little bit more, Adora pulls in, and rests her head on Catra’s shoulder. "Really, Catra, I'm okay. I just need to rest." She needs Catra to believe it. And maybe if she keeps saying it, she’ll believe it, too. 

Catra doesn’t dare to let go. Instead she lets Adora stand there, supported by her. She sighs and nods, not digging further, and pulls one hand away from Adora’s hold. She could feel Adora freeze up from the sudden withdrawal and slightly relax again once the hand brushed stray hairs out of her face and stayed on her head. A small exhale escapes Adora’s chest and Catra fully embraces her. Catra knows Adora deserves the headspace to fully realize everything that happened today--both the good aspects and the difficult and scarring ones that will take longer to digest. Catra needs the space, too. Seeing Prime again, towering over her, as she was being dragged to her death. The memory of his virus brands into her where the barbs wrapped around her leg sliced in. The seeping burn was agonizingly slow, sinking in deep, and spreading. It was all too familiar. She had hoped that the image of Prime was only a figment of her imagination, but when there was nothing to wake up to, when she tried to clear her mind and open her eyes again, she realized that it was real. There was Prime.  _ Little Sister _ . There was no escape.

Until Shadow Weaver forced a way out. 

She could still recall the look of complete fear that overtook Adora’s face at the realization that she couldn’t transform into She-Ra at the Heart, the quiet panic that spread across her as the virus did, gashes growing, light leaving her blue eyes. Adora couldn't hide  _ that _ emotion. She never was able to. What made it worse was how quickly Adora tried to resign herself to that fate and push ahead to be okay with it because she thought she had to be. Catra knew that those thoughts existed within Adora, she just hoped that she’d never be put in a situation where they’d surface. But Catra still could not pinpoint what the other thought was. What did she miss? What happened in those 3 years without Adora? And how can she get Adora out of her shell long enough to figure out how to help?

Melog slinks over, pulling Catra out of her own thoughts, and rubs against her leg, letting out a quiet, sad groan. “I know, me, too,” Catra whispers, dropping her head to meet their gaze. She slowly blinks. They echo back the same gesture. An understanding. They push their head against her thigh, budging with a little force, and softly rumble. Their tail wraps around Adora’s and Catra’s ankles, blanketing the embrace.

A soft laugh escapes Adora as she slightly pulls her head back to see Melog wrapped around her and Catra. “Aww, your emotional support cat wants in on the love,” she muses. 

“What?! They’re not my ‘emotional support,’ Adora!” Catra flusters. Melog weighs in, mewing playfully, rubbing their head more against Catra’s side, curling inward. “What?!” Her head whips down to see her friend, cheekily purring.

Adora may not be able to talk directly to Melog like Catra, but it isn’t hard for her to translate this interaction. “Apparently Melog agrees,” she giggles. Blush violently rushes to Catra’s face as she continues to object to Adora and Melog’s banter. She missed this. And she’s glad to see Adora’s genuine smile, smug and mischievous as it is. Moments like this have been rarer since she had Adora back, but Catra is glad that they still exist, that she didn’t completely destroy their relationship beyond the point of no return. She was almost certain she did. Several times. But moments like this, dumb, stupid ones that ended in fits of laughter, flustering, and good memories, were one of many things that Catra never stopped thinking about in their time apart. Now she’s here. With her best friend. Her partner. Her other half. Adora’s now in good spirits. More present. Open. Smiling bright-eyed. Catra still has worry in her mind, but she’s happy to enjoy the present moment.

Adora brushes her hands against her pants, clearing away some dirt and moss before taking Catra's hand and walking over to Glimmer and Bow, who have been hugging for a while. She musters up as much fake confidence as she can, pushing out her anxieties, and puts a hand on Glimmer's shoulder. "Let's go home.”

Glimmer opens her eyes and unsquishes her face from Bow's shoulder. They both loosen the embrace and turn toward Adora and Catra, a warmly smiling. "Home," she sighs, her eyes traveling to Catra’s, who appears a little uncertain. Glimmer yanks her friends in a close embrace, holding onto them tightly, "I've missed home. Let's go." 

* * *

Catra lets go of Adora’s hand and holds her head. "Next time, a little bit of a warning, Sparkles!" Catra groans.

"Oh! Sorry Catra! Forgot," Glimmer says, a bit embarrassed, but laughing nonetheless.

Catra pauses a moment to let the vertigo pass and she takes a deep breath. Melog hisses and protectively circles around her as they flare up to a bright red before returning to their original relaxed stature of blue. "So, this is where you all live..." Catra glances around, checking out the main room. "This place is huge! How do you not get lost?" her eyes fill with wonder and anxiety as they scale the wall and up the high ceiling.

Adora watches her, giggling a bit at how cute it is for Catra to be in a new environment, especially Bright Moon of all places. "Well, Glimmer teleports a lot, but once you know the layout of the castle, you'll get the hang of navigating the halls," she says to Catra.

"Ugh, teleport," Catra groans. Adora’s half-suppressed laughter grabs Catra’s attention, and a hot blush makes her cheeks flushed and flustered. Crossing her arms while trying not to smile, Catra looks into herself and glances a sideways look at her spectators, muttering, "cute, huh, just wait until…" Her eyes float back to Adora, who is still amused, and is now slightly blushing, and a small, loving smile plays on Catra's lips. 

Bow’s and Glimmer’s eyes travel to each other, noting Catra and Adora’s cute interactions, and their brows raise as they smirk. Glimmer gives a silent head nod in his direction and Bow starts to go through schematics on his trackpad. "Okay. The castle's a little banged up from the Horde's attacks and Horde Prime's air raids, but it appears everything inside is still intact!" he says, "There's definitely enough rooms to have more people stay here if people need shelter until we can rebuild, but right now, I think we could all use a rest for the night."

"Mhmm," affirms Glimmer, "Bow and I need to go back to my dad and the other princesses to let them know when we’ll meet tomorrow to discuss aid and reformation efforts along with giving people some direction,” she pauses and run her eyes over the tired pair before her. She does not know exactly what happened in the Heart, but from their ripped clothes to their drained stances, Glimmer wants them both to be able to breathe before jumping into the building tasks before them. “But before that, I want to make sure that you both can settle and rest. Bow and I have our rooms, and Adora has her room, and Catra where--"

"Next to Adora," Catra cuts off Glimmer. Realizing how quick her response was, Catra tries to play it off, shrugging her shoulders and using a laid back tone. "What? I don't know where anything is in this dumb castle. I need Adora to make sure I don't get... you know, lost." She crosses her arms and looks at Bow and Glimmer, who smile, knowing that’s not the only reason she wants to stay close to Adora.

"I think there's a room right next to mine that's empty," Adora turns toward Bow and Glimmer. "I'll show her. You two go ahead," Adora nods at them. 

"Alright, good night guys," they smile as Bow pulls Glimmer in and they start walking away, melting into each other before they vanish in a veil of radiance.

Adora takes Catra's hand. "You coming?" Catra grips her hand and nods, and the two walk side-by-side down a hall, Melog in tow. Adora missed this--missed Catra. Missed goofing off and making fun of each other, talking, existing in the same space, just her and Catra facing the world. And now they could pick up where they left off--well, not exactly--last time Adora and Catra weren’t holding each other’s hands in bliss, but these feelings also weren’t new for either of them. The only new thing is that they finally realized that they have been feeling the same thing for a while. Like a long while.

_I’m such an idiot_ , Adora quietly thinks, looking at Catra and then down at their clasped hands. _I avoided my feelings for how long? And for what? Maybe if I said something earlier, things could have been different. Maybe Catra would’ve joined the rebellion!_ _And the war would’ve panned out differently! At least we have each other now. I almost didn’t back on--_ Adora doesn’t finish the thought. She doesn’t want to. It would only lead down a spiral of emotion that she can’t deal with right now. The Rebellion won! She should be happy. And she doesn’t want to worry Catra. Adora knew that the last few weeks had been hard for her with everything that happened. As she draws closer to her room, she swims in her endless thoughts, conflicting and messy, and stops, just standing in front of her door.

"You want to, uhh, go inside?" Catra asks, not really sure if she should be expecting an answer.

"Oh yeah! Sorry," Adora half-smiles and opens the door. She looks around and blinks. It's been months since she’s been here, but everything is in place and feels the same, yet distant. 

"This is your room?" Catra gasps. "This is huge! What?! How do you even use this much space? Why do you have a shower in your room? What is all this?" She bounds in and starts pointing at random decor, running on with more comments.

Adora stares at her room, perfectly intact since the last time she was here, before Horde Prime, back when Catra was still part of the Horde, before leaving to go rescue Entrapa from Beast Island. Back when Glimmer became Queen and she told Adora that her best wasn't good enough, after Angella had sacrificed herself. 

Her breaths become uneven and her arms begin to tremble. Not now.

As Adora stands there, trying to process her running thoughts, Catra sniffs around the room. "Hey Adora," Catra laughs, "look at this stupid--" she turns to her, snickering with a smile, but it unfolds into concern. She makes her way back to Adora, who hasn't left the entryway and takes her hand. "Are you... crying? Are you ok?"

"I..." Adora reaches up with a free hand to touch her cheeks and feels the fresh tears rolling down. "No. Yes--I--No!" Adora wipes her face with her shirt sleeve and inhales. She nods to herself and then turns to Catra. "I'm okay, just really exhausted," Adora huffs, clearly in denial.

Catra lingers her stare on her face. Usually Catra is the one to push away and avoid feelings. She hugs Adora, knowing that she shouldn’t push, but still wanting to show her that she is right here. "I love you."

"I love you too," Adora hugs back, tightly holding onto her. Her chin rests on Catra’s shoulder and small drops land on the fabric of her shirt.

Catra reaches up in the embrace and pulls out Adora’s hair tie, letting her hair drop and spill messily..

"What did you do that for?" Adora asks.

"If I didn't pull it out, you would've gone to sleep like that, dummy," Catra teases. She pulls back a bit from the embrace and pats the side of Adora’s face. "Anyway, you look like hell, so it's best that we both get some sleep." Catra slinks out of Adora’s room and she hears the door open and shut to the next room over. 

Adora softly smiles--this time it’s genuine. Catra in Bright Moon, right next door. Who would've thought? Adora moves from her spot at the door and advances toward her dresser. Her legs scream as she continues to take steps. Leaning down and opening a drawer, her arms and back burn from the strain. She bites her lip and continues. Several grey tanks and shorts sit inside, exactly where she left them. Adora peels off her clothes and puts on the tank and shorts. She holds her jacket and white shirt. There were more of the same shirt in a drawer and some of the damage could be repaired on the jacket, but something catches and holds Adora’s attention. A deep bloodstain bordering a large tear on the side of the jacket and shirt. Almost reflexively, her hand flies to her side, where she was gashed earlier. As she touches it, a sharp pain emerges and Adora hisses in agony, biting back a cry. She lifts the bottom of the tank to look, but all there is on the outside is a long red scab. Prime’s virus did more damage than she thought. 

_ Well, you were on the brink of death _ . 

Adora takes a minute to focus before surveying the rest of her clothes. She notices other rips and tears and a few spots of blood, but nothing like the one on the side, soaked in it. Her hands shake with the clothes in them, and Adora lets them fall to the floor.

She refocuses on her hands, trying to ground herself, and clenches her fists, letting her short nails dig into her palms. Releasing, Adora runs a hand through her hair and takes a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. Returning her gaze to the heap on the floor in front of her, she drives the bloody clothes toward the door with a kick. 

Adora sighs while turning off the lights, looking around the large empty room, and turns to her bed. Amidst the internal commotion, she smiles as she thinks about her first night at Bright Moon and how hard it was to adjust. And Glimmer and Bow were there, barely new friends, and showed her so much kindness and slept over with her and her new hard bed until she could sleep on her own. Without Catra. That was 3 years ago. Uncurling onto the bed, Adora carefully turns so that she’s as comfortable as she can get to sleep. It’s hard to.

Her eyes flinch open when she hears a thud.

She looks around, unsure of her surroundings. Everything is too bright, the white and green light blinds her. She squints and tries to get up, only falling back down. Sharp jolts shoot from her hips to her toes as she slams onto the smooth white floor and gasps for breath. Lifting her head up, she sees Catra, lying still, not moving. Her arms shake and scream at her, but she drags her weight over to Catra. A shallow, raspy breath escapes her lungs as Adora grabs her hand. She holds her in her arms, calling her name, over and over again.

"Catra, I've got you," she whispers. Hot tears stream down her face. "I'm not letting you leave me, please stay. I'm not letting go, Catra, I'm not letting you go," she sobs into her shoulder and chest.

"Disappointing."

Adora clings harder to Catra trying to block out Horde Prime's words. And then in a flash, Catra disintegrates, like a hologram, like she was never actually there in the first place. Weightless.

"You should have let go, Adora." 

Adora opens her blurry eyes in search for her, but Catra is gone from her arms. She turns to the source of the voice. And she looks around the room. No longer is she on the Velvet Glove, but now in the Crystal Castle. The lights blare red. Light Hope looms above her.

"You are compromised," Light Hope states. "You should have let go, Adora." 

"But I can't!" Adora screams, "She needed me, my friends needed me." 

"She died for you, Adora. She died because of you. All of your friends will if you do not let go."

A sword flickers and appears in her arms in place of Catra. Her sword. Her broken sword.

"This is your last chance. The planet is balanced. Activate the Heart of Etheria," Light Hope commands. She raises her arms and the Sword of Protection floats, the pieces all grabbing to each other and restoring the key. Adora pulls down on the handle as tears flood her vision, her muscles scream at her to stop, and She-Ra’s magic pushes against her own will. Though everything in her body screams for her to let go, though her resistance tortures her, the sword comes down with ease and shatters once again, the Heart blaring. Adora gasps for breath, powerless, defenseless, and alone, as a green light floods through the circuits and crawls up the walls. There’s nothing she can do. Light Hope's image flickers and Prime’s towering, sinister figure replaces her.

"Nothing you do can stop me. You will die, Adora, just like your Catra, just like your friends who you failed," Horde Prime spits out.

A barbed limb reaches out and strikes Adora’s side. She screams in agony and pants as she holds her side, tears never ceasing. This is her fault. She wasn't strong enough to stop any of this. She wasn't strong enough to close the portal without trapping Angella inside, she wasn't strong enough to be there for Glimmer and live up to her expectations, wasn't strong enough to stop the Heart, wasn’t strong enough to save Catra, to save anyone. And now she’s helpless. She’s bleeding out as Prime’s poison seeps in. She’s going to die. But that never mattered. What is Adora? She doesn’t matter. She never did. She’s nothing. What matters is that She-Ra couldn’t save Etheria.

* * *

Catra shifts in her plush bed, trying to get comfortable. This bed is way too soft. And it is weird to be in Bright Moon. At least in this capacity. Nails digging into her scalp, she groans and sits up. Everything about this room was too plush, too furnished, and unnecessary. No wonder Adora’s bed was flat and hard. But the discomfort isn't just from the bed or the weird shower-water-fountain or any other decorum. She's uncomfortable with herself. Catra. In Bright Moon. How many times did she try to destroy this place, take down the rebellion? Guilt floats to the top. She hurt so many people. Ruined so much. Took away. And at that point in time, she was okay with that, and that's what made it hard to digest now. How? How could she? She wanted Adora to hurt so bad. Make her suffer, because she thought that Adora didn’t care about what happened to Catra. Adora had hurt her by leaving, and Shadow Weaver -- 

And how could Adora even come back for her? Even care for her? Especially after the portal? Carta can remember the look Adora gave her, that icy look of seething anger and resentment. There was no hurt, no sadness, and no care. It appeared that Adora had completely detached from the idea of ever getting through to Catra. It plays back to her, perfect and still, a frozen image. And yet, Adora came back, even after Catra told her not to. How could she care? How does Adora care for Catra now?

Sighing, Catra looks at the door. Hopefully Adora won’t mind her company because she’s not going to be able to sleep in here.  _ But she might not want you there right now _ . Adora would come back for her if she really wanted her. Catra had learned at least that much since her rescue. Adora left her three years ago, but she eventually did come back. And she came back again and again to the brig on Darla. And she came back for her in the Heart. Catra will just wait. If Adora wants her with her, then she’ll let Catra know. Catra still doesn’t want to push her. She had been sitting with her own thoughts for weeks. No chip, but flashes evolved into nightmares. And lots weighed down on her. She did not always deal with them alone. After she opened up to Adora in the brig, she found herself being supported by her best friend again, being held, enveloped, and loved. But even so, there were still times where Adora was not around and Catra had gotten used to sitting with herself, trying to keep her mind from going into too dark places. So if need be, she’ll stay awake and--

A soft cry.

Catra’s ears perk in alert, and she moves closer to the sound. 

Whimpering. A raw shriek. 

Adora. 

Too much space. Of course Adora wasn’t going to come to be her support or to be supported. She already shut herself off hours ago. Without another thought, Catra bolts up from the bed and bursts into Adora’s room, panic rising into her throat and worry etched across her face. 

* * *

At the sound of the door frantically swinging open, Adora sits up, ripping herself out of the terrors, grabbing for her knife, still under the pillow, and gripping it tight while panting and quieting her sobs by holding her other hand over her mouth. 

“Adora?”

She shakily looks up at the doorway; Catra's illuminated figure stands in it. _ Oh Adora… _ The faint light from the hall floods through and her eyes land on the clothes at her feet. She picks up Adora’s favorite jacket and turns it over to reveal a large jagged slash and blood, in deep crimson blotches sunken into the fabric. The jacket plops down to the ground. Catra closes the door and pads across the room to Adora, crushing her in a warm embrace, holding on and not letting go. She rubs her hand up and down her back and Adora breaks, dagger clattering to the floor as her fists open and close and slump down with the rest of her body, allowing herself to be held. She can’t push Catra away any longer.

Catra feels Adora’s uncontrollable shaking. Her frame shrinks in more with each tremor. “It's okay,” Catra whispers in her ear. 

A flinch.

“Adora? You're safe. We're all safe because of you.”

Adora remains a chasm apart, tense and shuddering, holding everything in, including her breath.

“Adora! You need to breathe for me, Adora.”

Catra’s voice is muddled and distant, but a small whisper echoes through.  _ You need to breathe for me, Adora _ . Adora sniffles and nods, trying not to hold in and instead breathe. Her head bows, sinking down to Catra’s chest, and her body follows, slightly softening, but still rigid as she stays, clung onto Catra, shuddering in breaths, as silent streams roll down her face and onto the grey fabric of her top. Catra runs her hands through Adora’s hair. 

A small sliver of soft light creaks open from the doorway. Turquoise and gold meet the mauve irises peering through the crack. The orbs briefly widen and regard Catra. A small nod follows. A discussion for later. Glimmer delicately closes the door. A pink shimmer briefly illuminates the crevice between the two door panels.

Catra's bright eyes return to peer into Adora’s empty ones as she wipes away the tears. “Is it alright if I stay in here tonight?” she asks softly, almost reading the girl’s mind.

“Yes,” Adora squeaks, throat tight and voice hoarse from the sobs, “please stay.”

“Alright,” she replies, and slips into the bed with her.

Adora holds on tight as she lays down. Catra’s still holding her head and moves her other hand from Adora’s back to her waist. A pained gasp stays lodged in her throat. It dissipates as she releases her breath again. She curls into Catra and listens to the sound of her heart, gently thumping in her chest. She feels safer. At least enough to fold up and push aside the shock and anxiety that took form in her thoughts and as nightmares. Enough to distract from the sickly light that pierced with pain.

“Catra?”

She perks up at the soft question, checking to see if Adora’s okay. 

“I-- Thank you.”

She purrs, and Adora hears a small laugh. “For what?”

“For being there, for being here.”

Adora doesn't elaborate any further, but Catra softly nods. She knows what Adora means. She pulls back a little and Adora longs to feel her grasp. She reaches and cups Adora’s cheeks, still damp with tears, and rubs her thumb across them. Catra looks into Adora’s eyes and searches them, finding the enigmatic thought creeping into Adora’s tired eyes once again, settled in.  _ Comfort her, let her know she’s loved and is safe _ . Catra warmly smiles and lightly kisses Adora’s forehead before touching her forehead with hers.

“You don’t have to thank me, dummy,” she muses.

A small pause. Adora’s eyes fly away from hers and Catra can see her turning in on herself, trying to process this information as if her words are foreign, something she never heard or considered before. Adora finds her again.

“But it’s just that you came back, and you risked so much by staying, and you could’ve di--" her eyes rip away this time. She can’t say the last word. As she replays the events, her breathing shakes and she lives them over in her head, still trying to understand her fears. 

“Hey, Adora,” Catra turns Adora’s face toward hers. She searches her eyes for something to cling onto. She doesn't break contact. “You look out for me and I look out for you. Remember? I’m still trying to make good on that promise. You came back for me, and I needed to come back for you.”

“But--”

“I wasn’t about to let you get killed. And it wasn't hard to come back--I love you.” Her tail moves and rests on Adora’s legs.

“But Catra, I was going to die there. You didn't have to stay. You should’ve just let me--” 

Before Adora can finish her words, Catra closes the distance between their lips, silencing any further words.  _ Please never finish that thought. _ Her soft purr rumbles through the kiss. She pulls back, and Adora searches Catra’s eyes as she looks intimately at her. There are tears in her eyes. 

“I stayed because I wouldn't let you do anything by yourself. I wasn’t going to leave you again. And we can dwell on what could've happened, but it didn’t. We’re here now, and we both want to be here. A little shaken, sure, but we have each other. Now c’mere.” She pulls Adora’s head onto her chest. Soft fingers slide into Adora’s hair and gently tug at tangles and knots.

Starting to settle into the other’s chest, Adora lets her mind wander again.

_ We both want to be here. _

Did Catra really want to be here? With her?

_ You deserve love, too. _

_ We both want to be here. We both want to be here. We both want to be here.  _

_ We both want to.  _

_ Be here. _

_ Both. _

_ Here. _

_ We. _

Why?

“When did you get so good at all this emotions stuff?”

Catra’s ears jolt and her eyes widen, drawing Adora’s attention to them. Catra sighs and looks directly at her. “Only when it's you, dummy,” she says, a small smile on her face. 

Adora lets out a strained laugh, “only me, huh?”

Catra chuckles, a pleasant sound Adora has always liked. “Mmhm. No one else, not Sparkles or Arrowboy. I have a reputation to uphold,” she says smugly.

An uneasy smile rests on Adora’s face as she and Catra go quiet. They remain in contact, and Adora’s eyelids grow heavy. Catra notices the fatigue settling in on her face and pulls her closer to her chest. She hugs her, holds her tight, and begins to purr. 

“You’re here,” Adora murmurs, drifting off.

Catra smiles, nods, and kisses her temple. In Catra’s arms. Adora finally goes off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So this is something that I spontaneously started writing one night instead of working on a chem pset :')  
> I kind of just plan on writing and writing all my thoughts and feelings out on this fic, as it is both grounding for me to write (my brain is in a constant mess of traffic, so this helps me organize) and I also have a lot of thoughts as to what happens right after the end of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. There's a lot to work through, so buckle up! I cannot promise you that this is a feel-good fic. It is like... FAR from it. But I plan on writing until I am satisfied with it (so at the least a *good* 10 chapters of hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, repeat + healing). Please comment to let me know what you think! Feedback is super helpful since I'm just kind of going with the f l o w here.


	2. Discomposure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer and Bow talk about a lot.
> 
> CW: Little bit more violence and way more gore than canon. Don't worry I updated the tags and archive warnings :)

Bow awoke to the sound of a pained cry down the hall. His first thoughts were on Catra. They weren’t super close, and though they had only really started getting to know each other since her rescue, Bow knew she had been struggling, especially alone and at night. A few times he’d peered into the brig, looking for Adora, and finding her and Catra wrapped in each other’s arms, being lulled to sleep or grounding Catra. Even with Prime’s defeat, Bow knew the trauma wouldn’t just go away. And while he was sure that Adora would be there for Catra, he figured it’d still be good to just check on his friend. Or at least have Glimmer do so. She and Catra appeared to have bonded and held mutual understanding and respect for each other. And Glimmer would understand more; she was on Prime’s ship with her. And Bow worried for her after Catra saved her. She told Bow she wasn’t affected by Prime as Catra was, but even so, Bow had held her closer and comforted her when anxiety and fears washed over her. 

As he approached his door and softly opened it, he heard the scream. A raw, throat-tearing scream. And it did not belong to Catra. In fact, the next thing he heard as he paced up the hall was the abrupt bursting of doors and the creaking as another set opened. Heavy breathing. Hyperventilating. A pause. A soft voice--Catra’s.

“Adora?”

An icy jolt went through him. _Adora?_ He had never heard her in such agony. Strides turned into a sprint. Reaching for Glimmer’s door, it opened before he could even knock. Her swept pink waves were slightly disheveled, ragged clothes still on. Her body wore exhaustion, but her face was alert. Being down the hall, she heard it, too. She mirrored Bow’s expression and took his hand. 

“It’s Adora…” he began, voice hushed, “I think Catra is with her now.”

Small faint cries could still be heard, and then stillness. 

“Wait here. I’m just going to find Catra. I don’t want to smother Adora, so as long as Catra’s with her…” Glimmer faltered, worry lacing her words. And like that, she was gone.

* * *

And now Bow’s sitting on Glimmer’s window seat, folding piles of neglected clean clothes, left in cold crinkled heaps, untouched for months. It’s a mindless activity, but it helps Bow stay a bit more present. It’s all still a bit surreal, being back in Bright Moon after so long, doing such a simple activity. How long ago had it been like this? _Well not exactly like this situation._ No one is fighting--right now. Glimmer and Bow are best friends and now more. Catra had joined the Best Friends Squad along with the Princess Alliance and it is still something to adjust to, but a welcome addition. And even more so, Adora and Catra are together, more-or-less not at each other’s throats, and are figuring things out. They get to love and support each other. Openly. _Finally, after how many years?_ And Adora’s currently… _I’m not sure_ . Although this is startling and worrying, Bow is less shocked than he was minutes ago. He hadn’t had the chance to sit and think about it, and now, folding laundry, it takes over his absent mind. Adora and Bow had been close before Glimmer became Queen, but it was always Adora, Bow, and Glimmer, or just Glimmer and Bow, and even Glimmer and Adora. Although Glimmer becoming queen was hard and tension arose from being rushed into such a situation, it _did_ bring Adora and Bow a lot closer together. Enough that on the rare moments when Adora ever confided in anyone, it was him. And there were hints of things that he hadn’t noticed about his friend until they spent more time together… 

The burst of gleaming pink interrupts Bow’s train of thought. Rising, he collects the stack of folded tunics and tops next to him and turns to Glimmer, curious and smiling with a tight lip, concern and care melding with the deep warm brown of his eyes. He places her clothes in her dresser, and puts his full attention on his partner’s body language, reading the mood before choosing his approach to this conversation. Glimmer stills, exhaling and pinching her eyes shut before opening again and pivoting toward Bow, head slightly hung. His patient gaze holds as he waits for her to collect her thoughts.

“What happened when I was gone?” Glimmer says in a hushed tone. She cuts her gaze up to Bow, whose eyes only grow the slightest bit bigger. It’s not noticeable to many, but Glimmer knows Bow well enough to read him.

“Well I--I started cleaning your room because you left it--”

Avoidance. Usually Bow is open to having conversations and is the person who is the most emotionally equipped to deal with things. “Bow! Please don’t avoid the question,” Glimmer snaps, approaching him. She takes his hands in hers and huffs. “You know what I’m asking you.”

“Yeah, I know,” he sighs. “It’s just… is now the best time? For you or for me?” Her grasp loosens against his hands, but she doesn’t move away. Bow brushes his fingers on her cheek. “Hey, I’m not mad at you. We worked through that already, and even if I was still upset, know that I love you too much and for too long for it to ruin us, okay?” His hand roams to the back of Glimmer’s head, and he squeezes her into a hug. They hold each other in silence. Bow contemplates his next words. “I just want to make sure you’re ready to hear about it because I know things happened on… his ship and I don’t want you to listen to what was going on down here if you’re not emotionally or mentally ready. It’s even hard for me to think about sometimes.”

Glimmer unfolds from the embrace and takes hold of Bow’s hand, pulling him over to the now cleared window seat and drawing him down to sit with her. “Bow, I’m not going to lie. It will be hard to hear, especially with everything that has happened in the last year.” The onset of tears makes her pause as she scrunches her face, sniffing, “But our best friend is down the hall, crumpled up, sobbing into her girlfriend’s arms and I don’t know why or what happened, but I know that I have never seen her look so… so… UGH! I DON’T KNOW!” She notices her hands, now buried in her hair, gripping. She inhales and turns to Bow, as hot, frustrated tears drag down her cheeks. His glistening eyes swim with warm love and concerned unease. His hand places itself on Glimmer’s shoulder, and she takes hold and leans into it. “I’m sorry. I just-- I don’t know we will ever find _the best_ time to talk about everything that happened where I will be ready, but I know that right now is the _right_ time to at least talk about what happened to you two because I want to know how to support Adora. And I also want to know how to support you, too.”

Unexpected. But soft. A lean down into an embrace. A pull inward. The hand, half-covered by a soft sleeve goes from shoulder to jaw. Concentrating on the connection, eyes close. Lips brush, one pair on the other, as heat rushes to the pair’s cheeks. He kisses, gently. She responds, deepening the connection. Hands reach up and rest on his chest, slightly grabbing the fabric of the cropped hoodie underneath. A soft pink glow envelops them, completing the bond. Unexpected. Their first kiss. Special and not wasted. Quiet. Warm. Instinctive. Close. And soft. 

Their eyes blink open. Small orbs of magic flicker and float away, dissipating and winking.

“Okay,” he glistens.

“Okay,” she gently taps her forehead against his. She takes his hand again, giving a mild squeeze.

“I found Adora, staring at the stars in the desert on the outskirts of the Fright Zone.”

_“Adora.”_

_The blonde turned, finding him, and slid down a dune, running into an embrace. She pulled back, searching him, raking over to look for any signs of injury, making sure he was safe._

_“They took her. They took Glimmer.”_

_Her pupils shrank as panic and fear washed over her, processing what he just said. There was more from what he could tell. And it wasn’t good. Her head bowed and wisps and locks fell in front of her, trying to hide parts of her face behind a curtain, but Bow could still see her eyes, reluctant to meet his gaze. They detached from any focal point and she went in on herself._

_._

_._

_._

_“She-Ra’s gone.” Her eyes slowly climb their way back to his patient and worried stare. “The Sword is broken.”_

_“So what are we gonna do?”_

_She looked back in on herself, trying to search for an answer through muddled thoughts. She came to an abrupt stop and her face hardened, steely determination glinting in her eyes. Her body went rigid. “We’re going to get Glimmer back…” she assured. Her head nodded with her words. Her fiery gaze focused in as a quiet anger built in her voice, “and we’re going to save the universe.”_

“We walked all night to get back to Bright Moon. It was a pretty quiet walk, and we didn’t stop much. Every time I asked how she was doing, checking in to see if we should rest or just making sure she was okay, she would just shut it down to an ‘I’m fine’ and she soldiered ahead. Looking back, I’m not sure how fine she was physically or emotionally. I knew that she wasn’t just ‘fine’ because losing She-Ra obviously wouldn’t be something she’d take lightly, but I still don’t know what happened inside the Beacon. All I know is that the Sword broke and that’s the only reason why we still had a planet after, and Swift Wind couldn’t carry us when the Heart was starting to be activated. He collapsed because everything was just too much… it must’ve been his bond with She-Ra, and that means that something was happening to her, but Adora never mentioned it; she just forced her way through.

“We were able to reconvene with the rest of the Princess Alliance at Bright Moon.”

_They reached the castle just before day break, finding the Princess Alliance, including Entrapta, who was chattering in the corner with Scorpia, gathered in the war room._

_“Adora? Bow? Are you two alright?” Perfuma unfolded, standing up from her seat. The other princesses noticed and followed suit, approaching the pair. Volume picked up in the room as questions bombarded them, and more tired figures filled the space after waking up to the commotion. Bow just wanted to sleep, to leave this world for one moment and forget everything that happened. He could deal with friendship problems and emotions; he would have to. He engineered solutions and pieced the shards back together. But in order to do that, he needed to be able to put himself back together, and he wasn’t sure he could right now. Half of him had been slowly pulling away for months, and now she had sharply cleaved and separated._

_“Where’s Glimmer?”_

_The room hushed to a deathly silence. Bow turned around to find King Micah in the large frame of the door, face pleading, hoping for an answer he knew would not come. It was a punch to the gut. Bow turned to his friend, who froze in response to the question. The main face and assumed leader of the Rebellion. Petrified. And snapped up in guilt and responsibility. She was assuming all the blame in her head and was trying to remain stoic and strong in front of everyone. Of course she was. Her orbs met the King’s, and before words came out, it felt as if they had a whole conversation. Both faces paled and Adora nodded._

_“King Micah…” she tried, her voice heavy, “I am… I’m so sorry.” She was wavering. “She was taken.” Adora stared at a spot on the floor. “And the Sword… it’s… the Sword--I… I couldn’t…” her breaths were becoming exhausted and erratic. Bow held her up from behind, giving both physical and emotional support. Just enough to finish her thought. “The Sword. It’s broken. I… broke it. She-Ra’s gone.” The rest of the room stopped moving. Adora ran a hand through her hair, gasping, over and over, “I was supposed to protect her.”_

_Bow carefully walked Adora closer to the table and set her to lean against it. One of her hands remained in her hair while the other found the table edge to grip onto. He put his eyes on hers, trying to get some sort of direction or even acknowledgement from her, but she was overwhelmed, something she rarely displayed to anyone, especially outside of her small circle of trust… which had gotten even smaller. Bow took charge of the room, “Everyone, we will reconvene in a better setting tomorrow to discuss our next steps. For now, please go rest and take care of yourselves.” And with that, everyone filed out of the room aside from Bow, Adora and the King._

_Micah lingered in the doorway, eyes trained on his daughter’s friends. Bow moved in to give Adora a much-needed friend hug. Adora stood for a minute before responding, tightly wrapping her arms around him. Silence filled with the pitter-patter of drops hitting tile and the occasional shuddering breath. Bow blinks his eyes open, seeing the King by the door, sadness enveloping him. Glimmer was taken away from him before she got him back. Micah closes the distance and pulls Adora and Bow close, letting his own tears fall as he lets out quiet sobs of grief and frustration._

“We were there for about two weeks, meeting, planning, trying to figure out how to get you back using Darla and how to keep villages and kingdoms safe from the Horde. Adora led most of the planning sessions, and pretty much just kept powering through until she crashed. And I guess that also pretty much summarizes how much Adora overworked as a coping mechanism for those weeks. But yeah, as Prime’s spires started landing all over the planet and started destroying parts of the Whispering Woods, we realized that Bright Moon was an open target and it was not safe to stay. Prime’s drones and robots attacked Bright Moon, so we left and hid in the Whispering Woods.” Bow rubs his brow and checks in with his partner. “Are you good to keep going?”

Glimmer shakily nods, “Yeah, go ahead. I’ll be okay.”

“Okay. Well, in general, we were all low on morale. Everyday it was trying to free a village or help one flee, or more. Fight the bots, hide from clones, try to find information on where you are. It just felt like a constantly losing battle, or at the most like we were at a standstill in progress. There was one day that was especially bad.”

_The Rebellion had been in the Woods for four days, staying hidden while helping and fighting. Adora, Bow, and the elemental princesses spent all of their time either planning or in battle along with help from Sea Hawk and General Juliet. Entrapta stayed back, working to repair Mara’s ship and pick up on any signals from Prime’s network. Bow helped when not out. After her first night back in Bright Moon, Adora had seemingly pulled herself up, remaining determined and in control. Even without She-Ra, Adora influenced much of the camp’s morale, and people were committed and sincere, ready to keep fighting, even though the odds stacked against them._

_A distress signal came from Alwyn, pleading for help. After an impromptu planning session, Adora, Bow, Netossa, and Spinnerella headed for the village, ready to fight, evacuate, or both. Smoke billowed into the sky and the team picked up pace. Distant screams could be heard from a distance. Adora ran ahead, leaving everyone to run after her. Hitting branches in the dense forest, Bow ran. Gnarled roots slowed his pace, but he kept moving closer to the sounds of a massacre. His eyes watered as he ran headfirst into the smoke, the others following close behind. Between the stinging in his eyes and the dense smog, he couldn’t see. His ears were unaffected._

_Panting. Out of breath, but pushing through._

_The soft strong thumping of boots, on the charred grass, picking up speed._

_A staff, extending outward. Metal sliding on metal and a click._

_A high-pitched whine. Something electrical, charging up with power._

_“NO!”_

_A booming pulse. A directed blast._

_A small crack and thud in response._

_Bow couldn’t hear anything else but the loud thumping of his chest ringing in his ears. His run became a sprint. His throat tightened in the smoke. He pushed. He was not about to lose his other best friend._

_The thick clouds dissipated into a thin haze as a strong swirling breeze swept them away. And now Bow saw everything. Shells and pieces of Horde bots, littering the ground. The intact troops retreating._

_And everything smeared in soot and blood._

_As Bow scanned, he spotted a purple staff, stabbed into a bot, glinting in the light of fires. And away to the left was Adora, on the ground. Jacket off, sitting hunched over. Her back to Bow._

_“Adora?”_

_She didn’t respond._

_He drew closer. More blood seeped into the grass, forming little pools. Pools that squelched and splattered as he ran through them. The midriff of Adora’s shirt was red. Red against a white backdrop. Her crumpled pale figure sat in a body of crimson. Pants soaked. She looked like she was hugging herself._

_“Adora?!”_

_No answer._

_Clumps of soot and blood stuck to her dishevled locks. She was shaking._

_“Adora!”_

_Bow reached her shoulder and ran to her front, looking for the injury. Her arms were painted red. A dried smear on her forehead. Blood, everywhere, but no massive harm to her. And then Bow pieced together what he heard._

_A small child, no more than five, rested in her arms. She kept firm pressure on the large wound on the child’s abdomen, using her jacket to reduce blood loss. It was a soaked maroon. And more of the dark liquid spewed out of the large hole and onto her shirt. Around the wound burned. The skin blistered and some blackened. Tufts of the soft dense coat of fur were matted with sticky clots. The patchy coat was the color of charcoal. The child’s face was contorted into an expression of surprise and pain. Long ears limp. Their eyes were closed. But they were unmoving._

_“For the Honor of Grayskull,” she breathed._

_Nothing._

_She moved the limp child closer to her chest, put her forehead against their soft head, and closed her eyes._

_“For the Honor of Grayskull.”_

_“For the Honor of Grayskull!” Her voice was frantic as she pushed down on the wound, trying to stop the blood from filling up the cavity. She placed the child on the ground and put her other hand on the wound._

_Bow put his hands on top of hers. She acknowledged them by swatting them away._

_“I can heal them. I have to heal them… I--” she faltered. She looked up at Bow, who was at a loss of words. Her eyes were dull. Not empty, but full of loss and unbalance. Her sense of purpose adrift on the stormy sea of her ocean gray eyes. She focused back on the figure on the ground. Her head bowed to their small chest and turned to listen, trying to find life. “I’m sorry,” she gasped. She stroked the child’s head, ruffling the little tufts of hair, lifted the bloodsoaked jacket off, and folded it in her arms._

_Bow’s gaze shifted from Adora and the dead child to Netossa and Spinnerella, who held each other while looking back at him. He looked back to Adora, who slowly rose with a small tremor in her hands. He met her eyes and was greeted with another emotion mixed into the orbs: ire. She desperately clutched her jacket and turned to face her three teammates._

_“We need to check for any survivors. And Bow, contact the base and tell them to have open tents and healers on standby.” They all grimly nodded. Adora solemnly turned around and started walking into the ruins, forcefully ripping her staff out of the downed bot and spinning it shut._

“No one survived the attack. After that, Adora became reckless. Running ahead when we retreated, taking on Prime’s forces without having backup. Not sleeping, barely eating. It was like she had no regard for her well-being.” Bow quiets, taking measured breaths. 

The room is heavy with emotion. Glimmer sniffles, eyes welling with tears. She holds Bow’s hand in hers and draws it to her lap. She shakily blurts, “I saw Horde Prime’s forces attacking your camp.” 

Bow turns to her, startled. “How did--”

“On his ship. I saw the princesses. I saw you and it looked like you were hurt, and I saw Adora, and she was running… she was running and then she couldn’t defend herself and he said that he was going to hurt her. Horde Prime, he--he made us, Catra and me, sit there and watch it all. He was trying to get us to talk about the Heart, and… it worked.” 

“Glimmer I--”

“I thought I had no choice! He was ready to kill Adora, kill you, kill everyone with his troops, and I let up the information that Adora was She-Ra. It didn’t even cross my mind that she was using a staff or wasn’t in She-Ra form. I didn’t even know that she broke the Sword! Of all people, I thought that Catra would talk, but the only thing she ever did say about the Heart was that Prime shouldn’t kill me because I was a part of the weapon!” She takes a calming breath, and starts, “At that table, Catra glared at me, trying to get me to shut up. But I told him. And I put you all in danger. It’s my fault,” she sobbed, “everything that happened is my fault! I fucked up! And look at what it cost Etheria! And what it cost Adora! And you!”

“Glimmer.” Bow states, finding strength in his voice. He puts hand on each shoulder and turns her to face him. “I am saying this in the nicest way possible and I mean no offence to either party, but you sound like Adora. Albeit, an Adora that is much more open to sharing,” he laughs. 

She looks a bit taken aback for a moment, but she quickly finds herself smiling and snickering, “Adora would have our heads if she ever heard us say that.”

They let laughter run its course. And after comes the rush of sleepiness. Glimmer nestles into Bow, enjoying the togetherness. Bow puts an arm around his partner and rubs up and down her shoulder and arm. “But seriously, Glimmer, this is not all your fault. Please remember that. Do not feel guilty about anything that happened or anything you did on his ship. You did what you thought would keep us alive and I know that you’re a wonderful person with a good heart. And the thing with the Heart? It was a mistake to activate it, but that didn’t make Prime come. He was already on his way. What Prime did to us still would’ve happened eventually. So please do not feel guilt or the need to take full responsibility for everything that happened to us.” He ruffles her hair, brushing shimmering strands out of her face.

“But what about Catra? I told her to do one good thing in her life and then she saved me at her expense. What Prime did to her--I don’t know what would’ve happened if we didn’t go back to save her. I know we were all acting on Adora’s impulse and instinct, and I was going to go back and at least look, but I thought that she was killed. And I thought that living with that was going to be hard, but considering how bad the alternative was? I feel even worse,” Glimmer yawns, still tense, but starting to relax into Bow.

“Catra made that decision. And none of us, not even her, could control what happened to her after. I have a feeling that she expected to die, too. And what he did to her instead not only hurt her, but it hurt some of us more than her death would have because she was living through hell. He knew it would. I feel guilty about it, too, honestly. I feel the most removed from her. Adora grew up with her. She knows about the abuses that Catra suffered in the Horde. And she loves her, deeply. I think that if Catra died saving you, especially after saying that it was to save Adora, it would have destroyed Adora. And Glimmer, you were on Prime’s ship with her. So, I think it’s okay to feel conflicted and distressed about what happened to her while on that terrible ship. But you shouldn’t feel responsible for it. And think about it; who would’ve ever thought that Catra would end up in Bright Moon? And with Adora? As her girlfriend?”

“We all saw the second thing coming,” she giggles. The both sigh and sit, staring off into space, letting fatigue settle into their bodies as the pair fully relaxes for the first time in a while. A long while. No more tension between them, and the stressful environment around them is muted by this small moment of bliss and closeness. Tomorrow’s agenda would come, but they would be ready to face them together. Glimmer made sure to schedule a meeting with the Alliance tomorrow to begin rebuilding villages and kingdoms, providing aid, and getting everyone back on their feet. She hadn’t told Adora or Catra yet and planned to in the morning, but now she wasn’t sure if Adora should come. Glimmer will ask Catra later. And Catra--well only some of the Alliance knew how much Catra did for the Rebellion in the past months. Those who were chipped, like Scorpia and Mermista, may only remember the last things she did before Horde Prime. The people would want Catra to face judgement for everything she did, but they didn’t know that she had suffered more than any person ever should on Prime’s ship for saving Glimmer. And whatever she did in the Heart saved Etheria, and more importantly--not that Etheria isn’t important, but--saved Adora. “Hey Bow?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m allowed to give pardons, right?”

“Well, yeah, you are only the Queen of Brightmoon,” he laughs. “Why?”

“I’m going to pardon Catra tomorrow at the beginning of our meeting,” she declares. 

“Why would Catra need a pardon, though? After everything she’s done for the Rebellion, she shouldn’t need one.”

“I totally agree, but others who were chipped, or may have been out of touch, may not see it the way you and I do. It’s the least I can do for her.”

“Okay,” he smiles. “You’re getting pretty good at this Queen stuff, _Queen Glimmah_.”

They burst out in laughter and throw themselves backwards, heads hitting the plush cushions of the window seat. Glimmer chucks a pillow in Bow’s direction, hitting his shoulder.

She perks up. “Sleepover?” 

“You’re reading my mind,” he says with a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While writing I love to listen to music, so the vibe of this chapter was partially brought to you by "Sparks" by Coldplay and "Before" by Jeremy Zuckerman. I don't have Spotify, but I'll consider making one and making a playlist of my writing music if you all are interested ;)  
> This chapter is a little slow, but things will begin to pick up in the next few chapters. I just felt it important to address what is up with Bow and Glimmer, since the main two people we really see struggling during the show are Catra and Adora, so it felt good to dive deeper into what the other half of the Best Friends Squad are feeling.  
> Also I know we never saw Alwyn being repopulated, but I figured after the creepy ghosty signal was shut down, the people returned. And because it's a farming community, I had this headcanon that some of the inhabitants were bunnies! I am so sorry :')  
> Next chapter we get more Catra with the Best Friends Squad! Please leave comments about what you liked, didn't like, observations, etc. Your thoughts and criticisms make me a better writer!


	3. Washed Down the Drain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora takes a shower. Catra does not. Bow and Glimmer are good at giving hugs.
> 
> TW: Themes of self-harm (it's ripping a scab, but it's not healthy)

Catra has always hated water. Her first experience in a tub was a month after she arrived in the Horde. She managed to evade bath time for weeks by hiding in little nooks that Shadow Weaver couldn't find until the scheduled time for cleaning was over, but eventually Shadow Weaver caught on and intercepted her after dinner one day and kept her with her until it was time for her bath. Adora's small form occupied one half of the tub full of lukewarm water while Catra hissed and clawed onto Shadow Weaver's arm after half of her body was plopped into the bath. Subsequently, she was chewed out and dropped back into the water. Shadow Weaver viciously scrubbed the dirt out of her fur and yanked the knots out of her thick mane of hair. It was not a pleasant experience. Catra clung onto Adora for the whole five minutes of rough cleaning. The clinging continued after they were wrapped up in towels. And while they were being dressed. And well into the night in Adora’s bunk.

She values hygiene much more than she did when she was a toddler, but Catra had tried to avoid any unnecessary contact with water since. Although her coat of fur is short, it still trapped water easily and took time to dry. Water weighed her down and made her shiver as it cooled off. Boats made her sick. Surprise spritzes were unwelcome. 

The only water she tolerated were showers. And she really wants to take one right now. She needs to after not properly being clean for weeks. But can't make herself do it.

Water was already uncomfortable. 

But Horde Prime made it petrifying.

The feeling of water seeping into her fur brings her back to the frigid sea of green liquid that pulled her down and forced its way into her lungs, overwhelming and drowning her and her cries. 

The searing pain of a large current passing through her body. 

Losing all control and freedom. 

Her ravaged body being dragged out. 

Everything heavy and muted. 

And then her head felt lighter. 

A bundle taken and cleaved. 

Shorn. 

Again 

and 

again. 

And her neck felt cold. 

And her body felt bare. 

And all she could do was lay there as everything was stripped away from her.

But the heaviness and cold bite of the liquid did not leave her.

Catra never wants that feeling to ever return. And a shower alone could trigger that.

She sighs and stands. 

Water would have to be dealt with later.

Her perch on the balcony is vacated and Catra pads inside. Soft orange light trickles into the room as it seeps into the horizon. The outside air has a little bite to it now that the temperature’s beginning to drop. Autumn set in weeks ago and the cold weather has come with the promise of winter. She approaches the bed she left earlier and peers down at the blonde curled under blankets. Adora turns over to her right. Her brows are scrunched and Catra hears her breaths, slightly more shallow than her usual sleep. _Can’t even relax a little in your sleep, Adora_. She looks so small. Catra raises a hand and lightly touches Adora’s hair.

“Hey, I’ll be back later, okay? Sleep for as long as you need,” she purrs, crouching down to the sleeping form.

A soft nod pushes against her hand, followed by an acknowledging hum. Given the semi-conscious response, Adora will probably wake up within the hour, right after moonrise, even if Catra told her to rest more. Though worried, Catra giggles at this habit and playfully rubs Adora’s head, messing her head of hair. Smiling, she presses a kiss on her forehead and exits the room. 

The halls let out soft echoes as Catra wanders down them. Gold light illuminates the rosaline and white marble and glints off of the accents. Stone murals seemingly fill with life as the daylight beams from the windows. Phases of the moon lining the ceiling glow. The moment is both serene and vibrant. Although she’s only been in Bright Moon for a night, Catra finds her way easily to her target. The loud thumping footsteps down the hall did not go unnoticed last night and she had made a mental note about the distance and direction Bow ran in. If she is correct, this door should be where--

“Catra?”

Yup, there’s Sparkles, standing in the middle of the doorframe. “Never took you to be a morning person.”

“I’m not,” she grumbles, sliding a hand down her face. She looks back and glares at something in her room

Peering a little further in, Catra spots Arrow Boy, brightly waving at her and buried in a pile of pillows and cushions on the window seat. Both are in comfy sleepwear and it doesn’t appear that she’s walking in on anything, but even so, a smirk works its way onto her face. She teases, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you and your boyfriend.”

“We weren’t--ugh!” Glimmer exasperates, face flushing. Bow’s quiet laughter fills the background and she composes herself, continuing softer, “Anyways, everything alright?” 

The aura stills. Catra’s smirk replaces itself with an unsure reservation. She really doesn’t feel comfortable enough to openly share feelings and show complete vulnerability with them yet, even though these two are probably the closest people she has aside from Adora right now. Maybe they’re her friends? It doesn’t matter, though. At least not at this moment. Catra has learned to trust them with Adora. She questioned their motives at one point, thinking that they only accepted Adora for She-Ra, but in time she saw that there are other people beside her that also care for Adora. Bow and Glimmer love and care for Adora as _Adora._ And that’s what Catra needs right now.

“Um yeah… I actually was looking to talk to you both, so it’s good that you’re both here.” Her tail nervously flicks behind her.

Glimmer’s eyes trail to Bow’s, and they share some sort of quiet exchange before she turns back, saying a bit too brighty, “Of course. Come in--sorry about the mess.” Glimmer holds the door open, ushering Catra from the hall into her room.

Bow perks up, sitting cross-legged, and pats a spot next to him on the seat. He hugs a round pillow, setting his weight on it and waiting expectantly for Catra and Glimmer to join him. 

Making her way over, Catra notes that Bow looks so much softer when wrapped in a blanket and gently smiling at her. She learned relatively quickly that the archer is one of the most compassionate, warm, and gentle beings that she’s met, even when she launched him and herself off a cliff. And now, as he sits there without arrows or armour-- _not that Captain Crop Top has much armour to begin with_ , all Catra can feel is an inviting gushy warmth radiating from him. The only other person she can think of being so _good_ is Scorpia. Catra really doesn’t want to do anything to drive him away like she did to her.

She launches herself onto the cushions and orients herself into a relaxed position, keeping her body open to both the window and to Bow. Glimmer materializes next to him in a cloud of sparkles. Caught off guard, Catra lets out a shriek. She has gotten used to the Queen just manifesting in different places, but the lack of sleep and Adora’s nightmare and subsequent panic attack have her on edge. Not to mention how gross she feels. 

Bow picks up on her tenseness instantly. His first urge is to ask if she’s okay, but given his experience asking such a vague and open-ended question to Adora and how she deflects and dismisses, and how guarded and careful Catra is, he rewords his concern into a more direct and focused question. “Were you able to get any sleep last night?”

“I mean not really with what happened and… you know, other things,” Catra admits, hand unconsciously flying to the back of her neck and rubbing, “but I’ll be fine and Adora eventually was able to fall asleep. Knowing her, she’ll be up soon, though, and we’ll all have to get going on rebuilding or whatever,” she shrugs, trying to remain nonchalant. 

Glimmer and Bow’s gazes drift towards each other, having a silent conversation, before turning their attention back to Catra. She gives them a questioning look. The room remains uncomfortably silent. 

Somber.

Withheld secrets.

Unspoken decisions.

“Okay what’s with you guys? You know why I’m here,” she snaps, anger building, “so what are you hiding? We’re all on the same fucking side! What aren’t you telling me?!”

 _What did Perfuma say? Abandonment issues and negativity? Right. Fucking Perfuma. Of course the hippie of all people can see right through me… And she’s right. Not that I_ want _to be included in everything Sparkles and Crop Top do, because I_ really _don’t -- no thanks ew-- but given that this is about Adora, I don’t know if this is them not trusting me enough to tell me whatever the hell it is they obviously aren’t saying._

_And my insecure ass took it to the extreme._

_Shit._

_Now I have to explain and be mushy and shit. Fucking Princesses._

Bow and Glimmer are glancing at each other again, taken aback from the sudden outburst.

Catra clears her throat, starting again in a more even tone, “Sorry. I just-- I’m trying to be more trusting and also trustworthy, but it just feels like you guys don’t trust me enough with whatever it is you keep glancing about.” She gestures back and forth, pointing between the two. “Look, I’m not good at these conversations. Okay? Emotions, vulnerability, that just never existed in the Horde. No one cared so neither would you, you know? But Adora… well she was the only exception. Always has been. When she left with you two, it hurt. So fucking much. And everytime she left, it just felt like another knife in the gut. I told myself she didn’t care. We had looked out for each other--well, more her protecting me, even when I didn’t want her to, but looking back on it now, I guess she just cared in her stupid, heroic way and didn’t want anything else bad to happen to me. Even after she defected, I knew that she did care still, I just thought not enough to choose me over you guys. And I used it against her every time we fought until I thought she hated me. I didn’t even realize that her idiotic self never stopped trying to protect me and caring until she came back for me on Prime’s Ship.” Catra takes a deep inhale through her nostrils before continuing, quieter. “I don’t know what changed in the last three years, but something did and it’s eating away at her. I don’t want something to happen to her again. I just got her back. So, if this thing has to do with Adora, tell me. I… I need to look out for her,” she concedes, softening her voice to a quiet whisper at the end and glancing away from the pair opposite her. “It’s the least I can do after everything I did to hurt her.”

“Thank you, Catra.”

“For what, Sparkles?”

“For telling us this. And sorry. We didn’t even think about how you would feel. Or ask for your input on this matter.”

“Don’t get mushy on me!” Catra smiles. She can’t stay too soft for too long. “Alright so what is this _secretive_ matter anyway?”

Bow speaks up, “We met with the rest of the Alliance last night and we’re having a meeting today to officially end the war and start coordinating the rebuilding efforts.”

“Okay _and_?”

“And given the stress Adora’s been under and the events of last night, Glimmer and I were talking and…”

“You want her to sit this out.”

“Only until she’s better rested and more relaxed.” 

“You do realize that this is Adora we’re talking about,” she snorts. “Relaxation is a foreign concept to her.”

Catra can see the conflict on Bow and Glimmer’s faces. They’re not actually sure if what they decided is right. The more she thinks on it, the more Catra realizes that she’s not sure what the right decision is either. She sighs.

“I agree that she needs to take care of herself first. If I had it my way, she’d be in a space where she can be selfish and put herself first for once, but as long as Etheria-- _and the rest of the universe I guess now_ are in need, she’ll be there ready to give everything.”

Glimmer pipes up after considering Catra’s input, “I… don’t think we should be making this decision for her.”

Catra’s head snaps up. “You know she’ll likely choose to put herself back in the field, right?”

“Yeah, it’s just that you’re right. Adora’s not going to stay still when she knows that she could be helping people. Also I can’t make decisions for her. Even as Queen. Last time I did that,” she turns and looks to Bow, remorse in her eyes, “I hurt her and Bow. I was awful. You guys are my friends, not my guard or troops. I need to respect and support your recommendations and decisions, and be more considerate, too.” She smiles, turning to look at both Bow and Catra.

Catra nods, trying to shake off the sensation of amiability that seems to exist in every messy part of this room. “Okay, what time is this meeting at?”

“Later this morning, at second moonrise.”

“So we have a few hours. What’s the plan?”

“Just find Adora and tell her about the meeting. Let her decide what she wants to do,” Bow answers.

“And?”

“What do you mean ‘and?’ Catra?”

“Seriously? That’s it? Nothing else? No other plan in case things go to hell?”

“… I guess just support her the best we can and be there for her and--”

“Keep her from doing dumb shit,” Catra resolves with a final nod. She looks at the couple, who echo it back with serious affirmation before all three crack into grins, chuckling at the seriousness they all possessed moments ago.

Two pairs of arms wrap around Catra’s slender frame. _The fuck?_ She tries to pull away, but ends up sinking into the hug. Her arms complete the embrace. It’s warm. And good. Somehow, this feels right to her, but too good to be true.

“Why’re you guys hugging me?”

The question hangs awkwardly in the air. 

_Yup, too good to be true. I ruined it_.

But instead of the recoil she’s so used to--people leaving, not trusting, not caring, not wanting--she feels herself being pulled in closer. It’s protective. Cozy. Supportive. Genuine. Glimmer and Bow gave her this type of hug yesterday, but unlike the hug in the Heart’s corridor, this one doesn’t feel like a melancholy goodbye. This one’s a greeting. A hello. Welcome.

“You’re a part of the Best Friends Squad,” Bow laughs.

Glimmer slightly pulls back to face her. “That means friend hugs are a given, and you can’t get out of them. Especially when you need one.”

The girl in their arms goes stiff.

Bow and Glimmer pull back a little, slightly worried they crossed a boundary. Adora never really told them much about Catra and their history; they learned more from Catra in one conversation than what Adora told them in her first months in Bright Moon, but after Catra joined them on Darla, Adora laid out strict ground rules about Catra, including a crash course in boundaries because she said that Bow and Glimmer ‘had virtually none.’ At first they were offended, but Adora’s never been one to over-exaggerate. And they remembered how finding Adora and eventually having her live in Bright Moon with them was more than just a simple adjustment for each of them. It was a bit awkward at first. Adora was fairly stiff and reserved; Glimmer had to learn not to just barge into her room unless she wanted a knife thrown at her head, and Bow had to refrain from comforting with hugs and friendly touches unless she asked or allowed him to. 

Catra, frozen in place, seemingly forgetting how to breathe, reminds them of those boundaries.

“Catra we’re so sorry! We should have asked first!” Bow frantically apologizes.

“Are you okay?” Glimmer asks worriedly.

The cat is brought back to the current moment at Glimmer’s question. “Oh, yeah. Yeah I’m okay.” Her lips move up into a gentle smile, setting them at ease. “You guys didn’t do anything wrong for once… I just haven’t had friend hugs in a while. It was… nice I guess. I, um, wouldn’t mind finishing the hug either,” she mumbles, maybe not loud enough for them to hear, but secretly hoping they do. Adora has given her plenty of hugs in the past few weeks, but those were _Adora_ hugs. Those hugs have definitely been more than friend hugs. For both of them… for a while, apparently. But even so, Sparkles and Arrow Boy provide an external comfort and support that Catra has lacked in her life until now. Heat fills her cheeks.

The sparkly girl in PJ shorts and the boy in a crop top turn to each other, developing wide grins in unison. They yell, tackling Catra on the cushions and pulling her into their embrace once again. All three release a collective breath. 

* * *

Usually, focusing on her hands until they stop shaking or fidgeting brings her back into the present moment. And if that doesn’t work, then a splash of water on the face certainly makes Adora focus again. But both failed her after waking up in a haze, slightly blinded by the incoming rays from the morning’s first moonrise, and she feels like she’s slowly drowning in a spiral. Being back in her room, in Bright Moon, is nothing like she had pictured. Everything’s too quiet. No conversations are happening beyond the barriers of her space, not even the spitting crackles of a fire. The room has no corners, no place where edges start and end, and it’s closing in on her. And she’s alone. Catra left only maybe ten minutes ago, but Adora feels paralyzed in a timeless void. Catra’s not there to pull her out. 

_I shouldn’t need anyone to pull me out. It’s not their fault I’m screwed up._

Blink.

She snaps into full consciousness with a yelp, finding herself transported from her firm bed to the bathroom. Cold streams pelt and prick her, leaving small angry marks on her skin. She turns her head and shivers. Chilled honey blond strands stick in clumps on her face, back, and the ceramic tile that supports her head. She finds herself curled up, sitting at the back of the shower, pushing herself into the one corner that exists in her room. Water droplets bite at the warmth of her cheeks as they roll down to her jaw. Slowly, she unfurls and reaches for the soap. 

The full body dump into frigid water seized the dullness after waking up today. It also abruptly shook Adora into hyperawareness. The roaring of the water just a bit too loud, the vanilla and lavender soap, meant to calm, just becoming overwhelming scents. The water sharp against her bare skin and heavy in her hair. But Adora’s awake now. And present. She can work with that. 

A reflection stares at her. She wipes the remaining water from her face, tracing a path from the bridge of her nose, pushing into the sunken skin around her eye, outlining her cheek bone, and down the jaw. Adora follows in unison. The reflection scans further, going down her neck and reaching the collarbone. It hovers a moment over it, brushing against her skin. There’s a spot where the texture is different, softer than it was, but still tough and taut in a slashing line. Reflected eyes move back onto Adora’s face, waiting for her attention. Having met briefly again with Adora, the orbs drop down to her upper right flank and nod up, as if signaling for Adora to follow. Her hand reaches the sensitive and inflamed skin. The resulting sharp pain causes her to recoil, and she sucks in a sharp breath through her clenched teeth. Placing her palm back, Adora lets it sit on the long scab. It’s tender and warm to the touch. Her most recent injury. A reminder that she almost failed. Impulsively, she starts picking at it. Deep red crust flakes off. Clotted protection just ripped and peeled off in seconds. Tiny crumbles build up under her nails. And a new, brighter metallic red sticks to the pads of her fingers. Adora stops. The new bleed does not. 

_Why couldn’t She-Ra heal this?_

At least she can’t see any sickening green flooding into the gash. One palm pushes against the wound and she lets out a whine. The other hand reaches for her Sword. Nothing comes of it. She groans. _Thanks for nothing, guess we’re resorting to Plan B._ Adora grabs a bandage wrap on the counter beside her. After her first week in Bright Moon, she woke up to find a whole stock of bandages, wraps, tape, and other first aid supplies in her bathroom, probably because she kept refusing to go to a healer after getting random cuts and scrapes while training. She tightly wraps it around her abdomen a few times before tying it off. 

“There,” she huffs to her reflection. “It’ll be fine. Nobody needs to worry about this.”

 _Because your episode last night already gave Catra enough to worry about. You scared her away this morning,_ the girl in the mirror seemingly growls. 

Adora chokes on her thoughts, ripping away from her care routine to the glass wall, which is _supposed_ to only spit back her image. She waves her arms around, watching the mirror with intent. The movements are only mirrored. Nothing looks out of place. Eyebrows cinched, she peers into the looking glass, shifting her weight forward. One hand grips against the counter crease while the other holds the roll of cloth only half-twisted around her upper torso. She dares not to blink and keeps all her attention glued to her image. Adora's first instinct is that this is a Shadow Weaver mind trick, another manipulation to pull her and Catra apart, a play to control and take advantage of her for power, but she’s dead. 

_Am I just in my head, then?_

She’s dead. Adora saw her die yesterday. For her. 

_Great, first I don’t sleep because I’m having nightmares, and now they exist while I’m awake._

She’s dead.

_"You're welcome."_

She’s dead.

_Shadow Weaver’s dead._

Given the events of yesterday, she didn’t have time to sort through her conflicted feelings surrounding Shadow Weaver’s death. She doesn’t even want to breach the subject now. 

One thought slips through, though. Another person died right in front of her. Because she couldn’t protect them. And Shadow Weaver died _for her_. Shadow Weaver, who was so bent on using Adora to gain power. Who initially stayed behind, who was okay with Adora dying to free Etheria’s magic so she could take it. But she died because Adora couldn’t do her job in the first place. 

“Snap out of it! Pull yourself together, Adora,” she commands. “I’m fine. I have to be. If I can’t for myself, then be fine for Etheria. And for my friends. And for Catra.”

Going back to her routine, she finishes the binding wrap around her chest. Just because the war’s over doesn’t mean she gets a day off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I set a deadline to have this out by midnight yesterday for the Holiday, but I'm a day late :') I blame 2020.  
> Anyways, thank you to everyone reading and leaving kudos. I'm glad that people enjoy reading, even if this story is going to have #sadvibes for a while. But the songs that added *vibes* to this chapter were "Hello, Anxiety" - Phum Viphurit and "The Archer" - Taylor Swift (for future reference, Taylor Swift's 2020 cottagecore escapist albums have a lot of strong vibes in a large portion of this story, so don't be surprised if another song of hers ends up here in the notes at the end of a chapter).  
> I was going to make this chapter longer, but it felt right to end it where it did, so the next few chapters will be a bit shorter, but I'll be updating throughout the week since I'm on break!  
> Thank you all so much! Be sure to leave a comment with any sort of feedback, reactions, comments, etc (it's much appreciated), and most importantly, happy holidays and new year (assuming we don't wake up to December 32nd, 2020 instead of January 2021 next week). Stay safe and stay healthy wherever you are in the world!  
> Cheers!  
> M


	4. Matriarch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora enjoys the quiet of the war room before a meeting. It's a good place for reflection.

Vacant. The war room’s vacant and unchanged. Crystals on the ceiling still bend and refract light into glistening beams charged with energy. The murals etched in stone remain unscathed. Adora runs her hand along the wall, brushing over the crevices and grooves that make up the mural and taking in the room. All of the stone faces look up to the center, up to Angella, raised above all, like a guardian. A protector. And in the end, she was just that. _If only you were here now._ Approaching the Queen’s image in stone, Adora hands grip and ungrip each other as she holds them to her chest. She misses her. Adora never had any of what Glimmer and Bow call ‘positive adult presences’ in her life until she came to Bright Moon, and after initial apprehension, Angella welcomed her with open arms. Late at night when she couldn’t sleep, Adora would always find the Queen in the hall, gazing upon Micah’s mural, and sometimes they would just stand there, in each other’s company, both longing for people they thought they couldn’t get back. Much like the current moment, really, but now it’s just Adora. 

“Hey, Adora?”

Caught off guard, she whips around to find Catra leaning against the main door frame, relaxed and arms crossed. Adora has no idea how long Catra’s been standing there.

“Oh, hey,” she responds, slightly deflated. Looking down, she notices how tightly her hands squeeze together, slightly jittery, and forcefully drops them to her sides, where they instinctively curl into tight fists. Her eyes snap back up to Catra, but her partner’s eyes are focused on her hands. _Why does Catra have to notice everything?_

As if she could hear her thoughts, Catra says, “Adora, you do realize that I’ve known you pretty much since I knew anything.” She slinks closer. Drawing the bunched fists into her hands, Catra pulls her in. “Figured you’d be here since you always did insist on being early to training and lessons. Old habits die hard.” Her arm slides around her waist and the pair turns toward the mural. “So, what are we looking at?” 

Adora goes stiff in Catra’s relaxed hold. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Um, this is the first Princess Alliance… and that’s Queen Angella,” the blonde mumbles, loosening enough to put her arm around Catra’s shoulder.

“Oh.” 

While she and Glimmer had developed a mutual respect for each other and opened up somewhat during their time together on the Velvet Glove, they had avoided rubbing salt into deeper wounds… like the Portal and the Heart of Etheria. Catra’s glad Adora’s the only person in this room right now.

“What was she like?”

Adora grips tighter onto her shoulder and rubs up and down. She turns her face to find the mismatched orbs she could stare into for an eternity. “Catra, we don’t have to talk about this right now if you don’t want to.”

“I want to, Adora… At least I want to know what she was like.”

A breath in and a breath out. Adora hesitates on her words before turning away and up to the stone image. “Well, she was quite regal. Always so poised and composed. Just by looking at her, you’d know that she was in power.”

Catra shivers under her hand.

“Oh, no! No, not in that way. I was terrified of her at first because I thought the same. She intimidated me.”

She can remember her first weeks still.

 _Plumeria did not go as planned. Bow could say it went way better, and Glimmer could beam about kick starting the new Princess Alliance, but Adora was more hung up on the fact that they went against the Queen’s direct orders._ She _went against orders. The Queen said “under no circumstances” and then they went right against it and infiltrated a Horde base. But it was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? And while she was initially excited that she was able to help as She-Ra,_ Adora _would have to face the consequences of stepping out of line. Far out of line._

_While Catra suffered most at the hands of Shadow Weaver for doing things she deemed out of line, Adora had also known to an extent what the consequences were for such things. Discipline had been beat into her early on. And she quickly embodied the principles of perfection, order, and obedience to ensure that she remained in good standing with Shadow Weaver. As time went on, Adora shouldered more and more blame for her and Catra’s missteps, but in the end it was only Catra who shouldered the punishments. Catra, who was still in the Fight Zone while Adora skipped off, mostly unscathed, with the Rebellion. Maybe not unscathed now that she successfully screwed up her first mission. But Catra was stuck with no protection from Shadow Weaver. Catra. She missed Catra._

_As they approached castle Bright Moon, the cross figure of Angella stood in the walkway front of the gates. She definitely received word of the events that took place in Plumeria._

_“Commander Glimmer,” the Queen addressed sternly, and held her hands together in front._

_“Your majesty,” Glimmer bowed, adding extra sugar to her response._

_Adora realized her second misstep and curtly bowed in front of the Queen, refusing to meet eye contact with her after rising. Instead, she placed her hands behind her back and they started wringing._

_The Queen melted a little, bending down a little and grabbing Glimmer into a tight hug. “Welcome home.” She pecked the top of her daughter’s head and received a groan from her in response. Glimmer burst out of the hug in a cloud of pink dust and reappeared back between Adora and Bow. There was lightness and small smiles on both of their faces. Bow stifled a giggle. Had Adora missed something?_

_Queen Angella nodded toward her daughter’s two friends, still twinkling, before resuming her regal posture. “I received word from Princess Perfuma that they received the aid successfully._ That _and that her kingdom and she have joined the Rebellion and the_ Princess Alliance _. Glimmer?” her mouth twisted into a knowing, somewhat unamused smirk._

_Maybe Adora didn’t miss anything. She knew how Commanding Officers could be. And Glimmer was getting the blame pinned on her. For Adora’s actions. For her broken promise. This scenario was too familiar and Adora hated how it usually ended. This time she’d do more to make sure it was fair, that the Queen recognized how it was her fault and hers alone. She straightened into perfect military posture, shoving her hands down to her sides. She had to make a conscious effort to keep them from balling up._

_Deep breath. Project strength._

“But rarely did she raise her voice… and she never did use magic or physical force on people,” Adora smiles, pulling herself out of her own memory. She turns to meet Catra’s eyes, giving her the softhearted smile she only has for her. Catra reciprocates by wrapping Adora in closer and giving a soft squeeze to her entwined hand. A tail brushes affectionately against the back of Adora’s calf and relaxes there. Her cropped mane rubs under Adora’s jaw as she rests her head against Adora’s shoulder. They both turn their heads back up to Angella, enjoying the moment in the intimate silence.

_“Your majesty, it’s completely my fault that we engaged with the Horde. Don’t punish the Commander for my infraction.” Adora finally met the Queen’s eyes, but what she expected to find wasn’t there. Even though Shadow Weaver wore a mask, Adora saw a dangerous anger in her eyes when it came to stepping out of line. That and the room would grow darker and be charged with her magic. The feeling had made Adora sick. But Angella did none of those things. No dark looming aura, no charge of magic in the environment at all. And her eyes looked not angry or even annoyed. If anything, they looked pensive. And a bit sorrowful? The Queen took a step toward her and she reminded herself to not take a step backward._

_An arm reached out. The hand at the end didn’t roughly grab her face or sharply push her back or slap her across the cheek or even cradle it while disappointments and high expectations were fed gently into her head. Delicately, the gloved hand placed itself onto her shoulder. And a thumb slightly rubbed her shoulder._

_“Thank you, Adora, but we’ll talk later,” the Queen offered a gentle smile._

_Adora definitely missed something._

_Glimmer used the moment to start walking away, exclaiming “Okay! Well if we’re all good here, we’re all_ super _tired Mom, so we’re gonna go and--”_

 _The Queen stopped her daughter and swerved her around into her arm. She began to walk with a firm but loving grip on her daughter’s shoulder. “Glimmer, I said Adora and I will talk later._ You _and I have plenty to discuss right now.”_

_She groaned, “But Mom! I need to go recharge and--”_

_“Wonderful. We can discuss how the mission went and our_ supposedly newly formed Princess Alliance _on the way up to the Moonstone and while you recharge,” she audibly smirked. Queen Angella briefly twisted around, mouthing a ‘have a nice day’ and giving a parting nod to Bow and Adora._

_What just happened? Confusion and more than a bit of nervousness overshadowed Adora’s thoughts. The Queen wanted to talk with her later. But she wasn’t mad. She looked mad at the beginning, but in the end she wasn’t? Well, Shadow Weaver did that, too, but not really. Even when her voice reached out to coax Adora into some sense of false security, there was still the underlying tone of invalidation and accusation. Queen Angella’s voice was just calm after warming up to the group, even though she knew that they went against orders. The Queen was harder to read than Shadow Weaver, who wore a mask._

_“You good Adora?” Bow tapped her arm, pulling her out of space._

_She didn’t realize her held breath until she let out a large sigh and gasped in new air. With an assertive head nod, she turns to her new friend and walks in step with him into the castle._

* * *

_After two weeks, Adora became much more visibly comfortable in Bright Moon. The castle guards stopped whispering about her in distrust. Not that they completely trusted her now, but the Horde hadn’t shown up on Bright Moon’s doorstep since she arrived, so they just left her alone and ignored her presence. Bow and Glimmer slept in her room and gifted her a hard bed. It wasn’t the same as sleeping in the barracks, but it was better than being swallowed alive alone or killing another plush bed. And now they were the ‘Best Friend Squad’ and aside from the stupid name -- which had grown on Adora -- she enjoyed having new friends to fill the void of the ones she lost. The ones she left behind. Getting to know Glimmer and Bow was by far the best thing about Bright Moon. Bow was so welcoming to Adora and was perceptive in regard to things she didn’t know and other things that made her uncomfortable in the new environment. Glimmer hung out in Adora’s room a lot that week and through conversation and spending time together, it didn’t take long for Adora to realize that she was quite the spitfire. Glimmer had been ‘grounded’ for a week by her mother--whatever that meant. Adora supposed it was a punishment of some sort, but Glimmer didn’t seem too phased by it, and in fact, was rather excited by the fact that it was for a week._

_But now it had been two weeks. And the Queen still hadn’t talked to Adora about her infraction in Plumeria. And while sleep didn’t come easily, Adora was sleeping better and had begun sleeping alone in her room._

_But tonight she was wide awake._

_And tense._

_And it felt like the shadows in her room were closing in on her._

_Time passed slowly and thoughts overrode her brain. Sitting up, she turned her restless gaze to the unoccupied foot of her bed. She was not going to sleep anytime soon. She needed to move. Remembering her surroundings, Adora pulled the blanket off and scooted out of bed. No Fright Zone, no lights out, no curfew. She could take a walk wherever and whenever she wanted. Bare toes briefly recoiled before reaching out and grounding on the cool marble floor._

_This was only her third night in sleepwear. In the Horde, she usually just wore her uniform clothes to bed, and if she really felt the need to change out of them, she just slept in a sports bra and spandex. If there was a surprise drill, she needed to be ready. But now in Bright Moon, there was nothing of the sort, but her room was more window than walls. A lot of the castle was open, actually. And Adora could not fathom how anyone could feel safe knowing that an intruder could sneak in through any point of entry. It took Glimmer and Bow a week to assure her that she was in fact safe while sleeping in her room, and a full week and a half to coax Adora into getting alternative clothes to sleep in, especially after Adora realized that there were no uniform clothes for her to be told to wear in Bright Moon. Uncomfortable with this fact, she simply asked for the same uniform shirt and pants she had already been wearing minus the Horde insignia that had blazed across her back for so long. And at her friends’ urging, she finally settled on grey tanks and shorts for nighttime. Not wearing socks on the floor woke her up quicker, so she didn’t wear them to bed. She still wasn’t comfortable with the idea._

_Bright Moon at night was still quite bright. While most hall lights were either dimmed or kept off, the outlines of potted plants, hanging crystals, and random artifacts scattered throughout the corridors were still visible due to the moonbeams that flooded in from the windows at all angles. Tranquility seemed to bathe the castle in waves of soft light from the moons of Etheria. Focusing on the sound of her pattering feet faintly echoing through the hall, Adora let herself wander around the castle. She was still pretty unfamiliar with most of it, but the Horde engrained more than enough survival skills into her to handle walking down unknown halls. All she had to do was track the turns she made so she could remember her path to her room. Walk down a hall and pick which way to go. Veer left. Walk straight. Turn right. Keep going. She wasn’t sure how many corridors existed in Castle Bright Moon, but she managed to walk around enough to make a loop. So she walked it again and again, taking in new details every time as her eyes grew more adjusted to the dark environment Adora found herself calm and consumed in this activity; giving herself a task and executing it was something she could handle with a decent amount of control._

_What she couldn’t control was her abrupt halt at King Micah’s mural on the wall. Or Queen Angella finding her sitting on the stone floor staring at him blankly half an hour later. Adora didn’t even notice the extra presence in the hall at first._

_“Adora?” the voice behind her inquired._

_She shot up straight and whipped her head around to face the Queen, who was standing poised and maintaining a small glowing orb in her hand. The Queen moved it forward, better illuminating the girl on the floor._

_“Oh! Your majesty!” Adora quickly addresses, pushing herself up to a stand, bowing stiffly._

_Queen Angella softly chuckled in regard to the soldier’s surprised demeanour, “No need for formalities in the middle of the night, dear. Angella is just fine.”_

_Adora gave her a hesitant nod in response. She wasn’t quite sure what to do with herself in the ruler’s presence._

_Angella had turned to face the image of her late husband and let the silence sit._

_So Adora turned back to him, too._

_She wasn’t sure how much time passed with the two of them standing in silence, but the light from Angella’s palm dimmed and then dropped all together, and then Adora felt the Queen’s eyes on her. She snuck a glance up to her face. Angella was still hard to read. She was in some pensive thought, probably about Adora, considering that she was studying her now, but it was hard to figure out what she was thinking. Maybe it was about Plumeria. Catching the Queen’s gaze, Adora quickly averted her eyes back to the mural._

_“Would you mind if I joined you on your walk?” she asked in a composed, knowing manner._

_Adora jolted at the question. How did she know?_

_“I heard bare footsteps pass through my hall about every ten minutes, and after the fourth time and not hearing them a fifth, I figured I should seek out and check on the person making loops around my castle at this hour,” Angella mused._

_“Your Majesty, um, Angella, I am so sorry for waking you up, I didn’t mean to disturb--”_

_Angella held up her hand. “Come, walk with me, Adora.” She waved her over as she started down the hall._

_Adora shook herself out of her stupor and rushed to match Angella’s stride. She was used to apologizing and trying to minimize damage by shouldering responsibility. Apologies were impulsive and reflexive to her. Burdening herself was second nature. And she was used to her commanding officers not taking any of her explanations. But not like this. This was new. Maybe now was their conversation about Plumeria. It both filled Adora with dread and relief._

_They had deviated from Adora’s original trail in silence. Eyes darting around the unknown halls, Adora began closing in on herself. She didn’t know where she and the Queen were going and it worried her. She should’ve mapped out the castle in her freetime. Then she wouldn’t be aimlessly following the matriarch of Bright Moon around in the dark at a random hour in the morning. And she wouldn’t have picked up her breathing. Or rhythmically squeezed her hands in fists. And she wouldn’t be so nervous. Guess she'd just rip off the bandage and face it head on. If that meant she bled in the process, so be it._

_“Um, ma’am--Your Majesty--about Plumeria… I just want to address the--”_

_“How do you take your tea?”_

_This confused Adora. And then she realized that they stopped. And were in a kitchen. Not the large Bright Moon kitchen with vast counter space, countless cupboards, and ornate lights that Glimmer constantly snuck the Best Friend Squad into to steal cake and other sweets. This one was smaller and more modest--by Bright Moon standards. There was no need to turn on any lights, as panes on the ceiling let the moonlight waft down into the room._

_“Adora, dear, are you alright?” Angella was now crouching to meet her eyes. There was concern laced in her words and expression, but there also seemed to be understanding._

_“Yeah, I am. Sorry. What were you asking about?”_

_“That’s quite alright. Come sit at the table.”_

_A hand landed on the girl’s shoulder. Startled by the unexpected contact, she recoiled on instinct. A flash of disappointment quirked in the Queen’s lip at the sudden motion, but she registered it quickly and readjusted her presence by taking a step back from the girl and opening a path to the table with a gesture._

_“I was asking how you wanted your tea. Is there a specific blend you would prefer?” she moved to take the kettle off the burner._

_Now resituated at the table, Adora pondered on this. She’d never had tea before. Perhaps Queen Angella could just decide for her so she wouldn’t make the wrong choice. “What do you think is best?”_

_The Queen returned to the table with two cups and set one down in front of Adora. “Here. I think you will enjoy this type of tea,” she said with an encouraging smile._

_Inhaling, Adora took note of the tranquil aroma steaming from the cup. Carefully, she copied the Queen’s motions and sipped on the liquid, poking her pinky out in an attempt to appear as composed as the Queen. The warm, smooth liquid was as calming as its scent. Adora was still quite on edge, but she found herself easing into her spot more._

_“This is_ wonderful _,” she whispers to herself, savoring her new companionship with the drink that was setting her at more ease._

_She hears a small chuckle from across the table and she’s reminded of reality again._

_“Oh! Um, thank you, Your Majesty--” Adora stiffens again, remembering their conversation earlier, “--Angella. Sorry.”_

_Adora caught the Queen’s flinch in reaction to her apology. Whatever resolve Angella had, it was slowly fracturing in her presence. Was she mad underneath this collected persona?_

_“Adora, how have you been adjusting to Bright Moon?” Angella inquired, studying the soldier in front of her._

_“It’s… it’s been good.” Her face heated up as she croaked out the end of the sentence. It wasn’t a complete lie, but it wasn’t the truth, either. Angella and she both knew this. Taking another sip of tea, Adora tried to calm down. Clearing her throat, she attempted to better answer the question. “It’s definitely different from the Horde. A good difference, but also a lot--not that a lot is bad! It’s just… different. But thank you for your hospitality--for letting me stay. I’m not sure what I would’ve done otherwise. And again, I am sorry for Plumeria and I will accept whatever punishment you see fit for my reckless actions.” Adora decides to put an end to her rambling by bringing the cup to her lips and taking a large gulp._

_Angella withdrew into her own thoughts. Adora partially wished she hadn’t made herself bring up Plumeria, but if she wanted to be seen as trustworthy to the Rebellion, she needed to take ownership over her actions and commands. Peering out from the cup still raised to her lips, Adora noticed a single tear roll down the Queen’s cheek._

_“Is that what would happen growing up in the Horde?”_

_Adora placed her cup down with a gentle clink on the table. She wasn’t sure how to respond. Here, all regality disappeared from the Queen’s normal aura, but instead of annoyance or caring anger taking over like when she’d bicker with her daughter, all Adora could see was a calm concern. It made Adora feel bad about her answer to the question, like somehow it was wrong even though it was the truth._

_“Yes.”_

_Maybe the answer only felt wrong because Adora realized that maybe how she and others were treated_ was _wrong._

_Maybe it didn’t matter how much she did to appease her Commanding Officer._

_Maybe it didn’t matter how well Catra did in training._

_The only things that seemed to matter were imperfections and weaknesses and how best to stomp them out._

_And even then, maybe some people were just targeted from the beginning._

_Constantly being told that they were nothing, no matter what they did._

_“But it’s okay, Your Majesty, I learned from my mistakes in training and growing up early on. Shadow Weaver made sure we all understood that there was no room allowed for error. Failure and mediocrity result in consequences.”_

_What a terrible lie that was. Adora knew it, too._

_Angella moved from her side of the table to embrace the girl on the other side. She’d hoped that she’d never have to hear about the sorceress again, but deep down, she knew it to be extremely naive to think that Shadow Weaver had disappeared just because she stopped receiving any word about her doings in the Fright Zone. And now the evidence was right before her, trying not to break down in her arms._

_Adora’s own resolve was beginning to crack. The buildup of everything that had happened in the past weeks was churning inside and she was trying not to implode. Leaving the Horde left her with complex emotions and emptiness. Joining the Rebellion gave her a new sense of purpose that she clung onto, but its chaos and completely different environment was overwhelming to say the least. And now, its leader was sitting in a kitchen with her, holding tight. There were so many more emotions in Bright Moon than in the Horde._

_“I’m sorry for the upset,” Adora tried._

_Angella pulled back and braced her, peering into her eyes. “Adora. You have nothing to apologize for here. Not even for the events in Plumeria. You have done more active good in these past two weeks than I have done in the past decade. You are worthy and valued here. Understood? No harm will come to you inside these castle walls.”_

_Angella pulled her back in and felt Adora finally express some of what she truly felt. Small restrained sobs racked through her body as she let herself be just a little bit vulnerable. Eventually, her breathing evened out. And she finally slept._

_The Matriarch brought her back to bed. Set down on the firm mattress, Adora slightly startled awake, recollecting the events of the night. The moment was still heavy with emotion and her body heavy with exhaustion, but one question remained on her mind._

_“What was the tea called?”_

_Angella softly laughed in response to the question, “Lavender and chamomile.”_

_Adora’s eyes began to flutter closed again. The Queen turned and slowly retreated to let her sleep._

_“Queen Angella?”_

_She turned at the tired call of her name._

_“Thank you.”_

_“Anytime.”_

_The Queen walks back over to the girl and places a gentle kiss on her temple before brushing her hair back and exiting._

_It had only been two weeks since the soldier defected and came to Bright Moon, but Angella considered Adora one of her own._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took longer than expected. My apologies. I had some personal stuff that I had to deal with over the last few weeks, but I am back on the writing train now!  
> This chapter gave me the feels. I almost didn't write it because I wanted to get into the plot, but I am glad I did. It's definitely more introspective and removed from the current plot (which is still in set up mode and I PROMISE you guys that next chapter we'll get to the Princess Alliance meeting where a lot of things will go down and initiate into the story arc), but I enjoyed taking the step back.  
> The song that definitely spoke to me writing this time was "The Boy Who Swallowed a Star" - Joe Hisaishi. It's from the Howl's Moving Castle Soundtrack (which is a whole work of art within itself).  
> And it's January 19! Happy Birthday Adora! I hope this chapter gave you guys some comfort (which has been *missing* in my writing because I'm a little introspective Type A ball of angst) and also her some comfort before we hop back to the present and deal with the current set of issues and traumas that everyone (with a larger focus on Adora) is sort of picking their way through as they deal with the aftermath of a war.  
> Next chapter: The Meeting ft. Micah being best dad, Catra having the self-worth of a rock, ditto on Adora, everyone hating Shadow Weaver, Scorpia having more self-worth, and everyone trying to figure out what the hell actually happened in the Heart between Catra and Adora so that they can settle their bets.


	5. Clear Conscience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The leaders of the Rebellion meet to discuss their next steps after the war... it doesn't go as planned. But when does anything in the Alliance go as planned?
> 
> CW: Moments of anxiety & panic, mentions of Shadow Weaver's abuse.

She’s quiet for a while. Catra doesn’t bother her, though. This quiet is okay; it’s the type of remembrance and deep thought. She doesn’t know what memory is playing out in Adora’s mind, but she sees her eyes grasp at a progression of events that only she can recall. Her face shows a deep fondness for the Queen in front of them. Squeezing her partner’s shoulder, Catra briefly turns her attention back up to the mural. 

Up to the Queen who gave her life fixing one of Catra’s greatest wrongs. She’s really glad no one else is here in this moment.

But moments are only moments, only existing for a breath in the whole of time. One ear flicks toward the open doors as someone approaches from the echoing corridors. They aren’t the quiet thumps of Bow’s or Glimmer’s light pattering; Catra can’t quite place the pattern to a person. Granted, she hasn’t really spent time with anyone outside of those two dopes and her idiot girlfriend. 

_ Is Adora my girlfriend now? _

She’s not sure of the label. 

Maybe Adora is also unsure. They will always be ‘friends,’ but this is uncharted territory. 

_ Well, we did kiss… I guess that confirms it?  _

_ But we’ve always loved each other.  _

_ Were we always girlfriends? _

Catra turns to Adora, pulling her out of her memories by clasping both hands in hers and peering intently into the blonde’s eyes. Adora regains her footing in the present and returns the gaze into the deep abysses of turquoise and gold. She’ll never admit to anyone else--other than the girl in front of her--that those deep troves of emotion and thought are one of her favorite sights in the world.

On a routine trip to Plumeria, Adora discovered the beauty of flowers. Specifically, she found herself in a field of sunflowers and immediately thought of Catra. She wasn’t sure what a sun was at the time, especially because Etheria had moonbeams from 12 different moons to provide light and cycle the tides and seasons, but nonetheless, the vibrant yellow hue of the petals reminded Adora of her eye. Even with their friendship in shambles, Adora hoped to bring Catra to Plumeria just to see the sunflowers. Just to find beauty in something again, just like she used to in the rare bright rocks scattered around ashen rubble piles in the Fright Zone, or in the high up places where she and Adora could overlook the smoggy landscape. Adora wanted her to feel safe. And free. And laugh her squeaky, raspy laugh that she missed. And to brightly smile again. 

Catra could outshine all of the sunflowers in the world. 

And now without any looming threats, with Catra by her side again, she can take her.

The only signal Catra needs to know that Adora is focused on her is that stupid, softhearted look only reserved for her. Catra touches her forehead to Adora’s, letting her eyes flutter shut to savor the moment. Outwardly, she allows her own smile to play on her lips as she blinks her eyes open. Adora leans forward, smile widening.

“Hey Adora, are we girlfriends?”

“Of course we are, Catra. We’re girls and we’re friends, right?”

_ This girl. _ Catra laughs at her oblivious response, “I know  _ that _ , dummy, but are we  _ girlfriends _ ?”

_ Oh.  _

Brief unsureness occupies Adora’s face as Catra’s words process in her head, but it’s replaced as fake confidence swells inside her and a sly grin spreads to her cheeks as mischief sparks in her eyes. “Does this answer your question?” she breathes before closing the gap between her and Catra’s lips.

It’s been less than a day since she first kissed her, but Catra can easily decide that she will never get tired of kissing those lips. That face. Her. Holding Adora. Loving her. She’ll spend eternities expressing her love for her if it was just them in the universe and no one else. 

But there  _ are _ others in the universe, others on Etheria, and  _ others _ coming ever so closer to the door to ruin their privacy. Her ears swivel to the sound again, noticing now that there are actually  _ two _ pairs of steps, in complete sync with each other. One heavier and in a steady rhythm, the other just skimming the floor. And they are going to walk in. And the private space will become public.

Adora, oblivious to the approaching couple, deepens her connection to her partner. Letting herself linger on Catra’s lips, she lets emotions flood to her head. Love. Light. Bliss. Warmth. 

Guilt.

Shame.

Remorse.

For a few moments, she forgot about last night. Specifically how she had no control. And how Catra had to deal with the burden of Adora’s messy, stupid emotions and baggage on top of her own. But of course her head led her to these emotions. She knows Catra barely slept. Hell, Adora didn’t really, either. It’s not fair to Catra. She shouldn’t have needed her to take care of her last night. Adora should have been able to take care of herself. At least that’s what she thinks.

_ I need to apologize _ .

She’ll actively avoid broaching the subject, but she can and will pour all of her love and expressions of regret into this kiss. How much she cares for Catra. How she needs to be strong for her. How she needs to support her. How she will be fine and doesn’t need her companion to worry. How she  _ shouldn’t  _ worry. How much of herself she’s willing to give away to ensure that Catra will never be harmed again. To never let Catra down. To take care of her. To make sure that Catra will continue to love her back. 

Nothing will ever measure up to how much she loves Catra. 

As they break apart, heads still together, Catra remains subconsciously fixed on the footsteps as the couple enters through the door. 

_ Ohhhh.  _

_ It’s the married couple. _

Snapping her eyes open, she immediately meets eyes with Netossa, who immediately smirks, stops walking, and grabs her wife’s attention. Spinnerella melts at the sight of Catra and Adora and turns back to her wife, responding and conversing with her own set of looks. Catra embarrassedly blushes, remembering her current environment. 

Adora’s false hubris is evident. She’s giddy over the intimate moment, but Catra notices the tremor in her hands, the slight discomfort and hesitance before fully committing to her kiss. The fact that Adora’s eyes are closed to concentrate on her smile to keep from any self-doubt from seeping out. Catra can see through her tactics. Adora’s just as lost as she is in this new territory of their relationship. And she’s trying so damn hard trying to mask any sign of panic or uncertainty.  _ Oh you idiot, I see you pretending. _ Adora can hide and avoid feelings, better than most think, but trying to create new feelings and put on a persona is something that she cannot. At all. But Adora started this charade and Catra will gladly one-up her. 

Ignoring the small chuckles from across the room, Catra closes her eyes and gently rubs her nose against Adora’s, freeing her purr to rumble from deep within. She pulls Adora even closer, wrapping her tail around Adora’s ankle, hoping to ground some part of the turbulence in the blonde’s mind and her own. 

“I don’t know, did it?” Catra heavily breathes. She blinks open her eyes to see Adora fluster and begin to overthink. Of course Adora didn’t expect that answer to her question. Sighing, Catra places a quick peck on the corner of Adora’s lips. “It’s okay not to know, idiot. I’m just as in the dark as you are.”

A warm giggle bubbles up and Adora blinks her eyes and looks at the cat opposite her before spreading her lips into a genuine smile, “Oh yeah?” She steps back, smugly crossing her arms and taking in the sight before her. Her eyebrow quirks at this small admission. Catra almost never admitted to being wrong or not knowing something. Maybe this means growth? Allowing herself to be more vulnerable? Whatever it is, it surprises Adora, but she’ll bask in this sight of Catra’s uncertainty.

That is… until the cat mirrors her and adopts her own self-satisfied simper, tail playfully flicking as her ears raise and point in a direction toward the table before focusing on Adora. “Now I know how your brain must feel all the time--assuming you have an undamaged one, but that’s a  _ really _ optimistic assumption given that it’s you,” she baits tongue-in-cheek.

“My brain is fine!”  _ More or less _ . “And I know  _ lots _ of things,” Adora snorts.

“Really?” It’s too easy to mess with Adora. “What was it you said yesterday, then? Something like, ‘Did we ever find out what Grayskull is?’” she mocks.

Adora’s eyes widen and her cocky aura flickers out.

_ Gotcha. _

Catra bursts out in laughter. The married couple at the table is  _ definitely _ invested in watching this interaction now. All Catra has to do is deliver the final blow. “Seriously, you spent  _ how many years _ saying that dumb phrase to access She-Ra and you  _ still _ don’t know what you were fighting in the honor for?” 

She almost falls in her own fit of laughter, but ultimately it’s Adora who tackles her to the ground. Both giggle and banter as they wrestle and roughly push each other’s faces. Locking hands, Catra lets Adora roll and pin her. A devilish smirk grows on her face.

“What?” Adora says, exasperated.

All Catra does is flit her eyes toward the table. Adora follows with her head. Her body freezes.

“You two girlfriends having fun over there?” Netossa calls, her attention undivided. Spinnerella throws in a knowing wink.

Adora considers the situation. They’re both wrestling on the tile. Catra’s under her. Both are flustered, but her more than Catra. Breathing heavy, giggling like a couple of idiots. Adora straddling this girl’s waist. Netossa and Spinnerella are the only others in the room--for how long, who knows. Well, everyone but her apparently.

She turns back to Catra. Honey blonde wisps frame her face. Red burns through her cheeks as her palms get clammy in Catra’s. Light from the morning’s moons float behind her, outlining her in a rose-golden glow. She is ethereal.

And embarrassed.

And possibly about to kill the person pinned under her.

“Hey Adora, do you know how  _ adorable _ you are when you get flustered?”

“Catra,” Adora says low, “how long have they been there?”

“Hmm… not sure.”

“ _ Catra _ .”

“Don’t worry that kiss is only ours. They came in right after, though,” she giggles.

“You insufferable brat!” Adora laughs. She pushes Catra’s cheek one more time and gets up, giving her a hand and yanking her up.

“It’s always fun distracting you.” Catra’s tail brushes against Adora’s wrist as she moves toward the table, stopping as she holds out her hand, waiting for Adora to take it.

Embarrassed as she is, the moment brings a smile to Adora’s face. Maybe she and Catra can finally breathe now that they’re on the same side and not under the gripping shadows of manipulation and danger. Maybe. She’s still unsure about whether or not they’re girlfriends, though. Maybe Spinnerella and Netossa would know, considering they’re married. Taking the other’s hand, she lets herself be pulled over to the table.

“Is there assigned seating at these things? I’m assuming these chairs are for certain princesses, but what about the regular ones?” Catra gestures to the arrangement around the war table.

“As long as you don’t take my chair!”

Both jump in surprise at the sound of Swift Wind’s enthusiastic voice behind them. He poses, mane naturally flowing, eyes shimmering. He definitely put practice into this.

Adora supposes that people are starting to show up now. She’ll ask Spinnerella and Netossa about the whole ‘girlfriend’ thing later. Her steed has the worst timing. “Swift Wind, when did you get here?”

“Only a few moments ago! I’m surprised neither of you heard me come in. Usually people know when I enter… hmp.”

“Swifty that’s because you always manage to announce your arrival!”

Catra eyeballs the pair, and glances back over to a table of regular-sized chairs. “So,  _ Swifty, _ where’s your chair?”

Netossa and Spinnerella violently shake their heads. Adora gives her a face of annoyed dread. Obviously Swift Wind doesn’t have a chair--he’s a magical horse. Horses can’t even sit in chairs. But Catra is okay with being a pain, at least to Adora. The other couple in the room seems alright, too.  _ I mean, both tried to kill me on sight at some point in the last few weeks, but they seem more okay with me existing than some of the other princesses. _

The other princesses. 

Which would be here soon.

Some of which were chipped until yesterday and may not know where Catra currently stands. Others who still don’t trust her. Or like her.

The last one she can live with--it’s not like she likes princesses, either. Or trust them in some cases. Magic is still a touchy subject.

Either way, she’s beginning to realize how painful it will be to sit through this meeting. She didn’t even plan on going--about to actively avoid it, actually--until Glimmer and Bow insisted. And then  _ the Queen _ ordered her to. What for? She still cannot figure out. They seemed really excited and insistent. They were planning something, which meant that Catra should worry.

And deep down, worried she is. 

So she’ll enjoy being a puckish thorn in Adora’s side--and also Spinnerella and Netossa’s, too now since they seem alright with her--until the others show up. “I wouldn’t want to sit in such an important spot,” she grins, latching onto Adora at the hip. 

She turns and locks eyes with Netossa who shoots her a teasing death glare and whispers, only for her ears, “I will kill you.” She’s met with the immature catgirl sticking out her tongue. All she can do is shake her head and laugh at the kid and her girlfriend, though Netossa’s not sure if they even know what that means, considering how little the Horde focused on any type of personal relationship. At least she and Spinny do, because if she’s being honest, Catra’s been growing on her in the past few weeks. She’s a total pain in the ass, but she fiesty and competitive, and cares somewhere underneath the hard exterior she’s built up. Not that Netossa will ever admit it to anyone other than her wife, but she has enjoyed her few interactions with Catra and is glad that there’s someone else in the Alliance that is more realistic, tactical, and blunt. And she seems to balance Adora out, like she was the missing piece to keeping the girl together. Netossa can relate. Her gaze shifts from the spunky cat to her wife, who lovingly smiles, chuckling at the previous exchange. A soft thumb rubs gently over the back of her hand, which lightly squeezes in reciprocation.

“Well, I  _ will _ have a chair when the Alliance finally makes one for me.”

And the moment is ruined.

A pink shimmer flashes, signaling the arrival of more people.

“Swift Wind, are you complaining about the chair  _ again _ ?” Glimmer snaps, face-palming as Bow groans. “Can we at least start rebuilding Etheria before you bitch about it? Please?”

“Fine,” he huffs.

“Good.” She turns in regard to everyone else in the room. “Now, I’ll be back with the other princesses in a few!” she sings.

Disappearing just as quickly as she appeared, the young ruler takes off to gather other members of the Alliance.

* * *

Maybe she should’ve pardoned Catra yesterday right after she came out of the Heart with Adora. Everyone was in a state of momentary euphoria then, but after the Queen teleported them all to their respective kingdoms to survey damages in hopes of reporting back today to plan rebuilding efforts, the anger came back. Queen Glimmer may have been able to keep enough peace to officially announce that the war with the Etherian and Galactic Horde was over, but the minute she said the words “pardon” and “Catra” in the same sentence, half of the room broke out in angry commotion. 

Specifically those chipped who have no idea about Catra’s whereabouts and hardships over the recent months.

Specifically General Juliet and the other few members of the Bright Moon guard also in the room.

Not Scorpia or Micah, who sit quietly and observe the angry chorus of voices clash against a second group of voices that try to calm them down and defend Catra. But specifically the Princess of Salineas, who is currently being held back by Sea Hawk and Entrapta’s hair.

Mermista turns her anger on Glimmer, shaking off Sea Hawk’s grip, but still out of her chair. “Are you serious?! You’re just going to  _ excuse _ this war criminal? After everything she’s done to hurt all of us?”

“Mermista if you would let me finish I--”

“How are the rest of you sitting here fine with this?! After kidnapping high-ranking members of the Rebellion? After constantly going after She-Ra? Opening a portal? After  _ destroying  _ my kingdom? Why pardon any of that?” Her attention shifts over to Catra, eye burning holes into her, “This  _ criminal _ deserves nothing more than to spend the rest of her worthless life rotting in a prison cell.”

When Catra heard Glimmer start talking about her ‘first act after the war’ while eyeing and grinning at her, she got nervous about what would come out of the girl’s mouth next. The mention of pardoning her makes a little sense looking back  _ now _ , but it came as a shock to her. Followed by the quick mix of feelings of disbelief and dread. Maybe it was easy to convince Bow to give her a pardon, but these princesses definitely would be harder. 

And the hardest to convince--Catra herself.

The water princess’ outburst isn’t that much of a shock to Catra--but her rehashing and laying out all of Catra’s wrongs hits her. Hard. 

_ Worthless _ . 

That’s what Shadow Weaver always said about her.

_ Stop it, she’s dead _ .

Her poisonous words still drip into Catra’s mind, plaguing her thoughts and reminding her of the woman’s strong grasp on her. 

She knew this meeting would be hard, but this leaves her feeling raw and numb. Usually the walls go up at this point in a verbal assault, but the brutal reminder of Shadow Weaver leaves her vulnerable and open to be striked at. A hand finds hers under the table. Long and rough fingers slide between hers and clasp, giving an extra squeeze. It lingers, waiting for a response. Small tears brim at her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. Not here. She turns her head to Adora, searching her worried face.  _ Are you okay? _ The question is so simple with so many answers, but Catra knows exactly what Adora means. Her soft and slender hand offers a small squeeze back. She gives a small nod to her before turning her attention back to the monstrous chaos about her.

“MERMISTA!”

The whole room goes quiet and the Queen recomposes herself at the head of the table. 

“While Catra has fought on the side of the Etherian Horde and is partially responsible for several things that have happened over the past three years--”

“Well that’s an understatement,” the General mutters to herself.

Glimmer harshly clears her throat before continuing, “She is the  _ only _ reason why I am alive. I am not asking you all for forgiveness or to like her, but I am saying that she has redeemed herself to me for everything she has done in the past few months.”  _ And for everything done to her _ . “She will have to redeem herself to the rest of you on your terms, but in pardoning her, I am saying to give her the chance to, and recognize that she’s not the only person who has done terrible things, voluntarily and involuntarily, during this war--many of us have committed acts that would be deemed war crimes.”

The room’s aura violently shifts. She doesn’t have to name any examples for many members at the table to think back to the past three years. And she doesn’t need to mention her biggest mistake, which half of the room’s members supported at the time, because she knows all of them are reflecting back on it. Glimmer takes a deep breath before continuing.

“I owe her my life. She has greatly contributed to the Rebellion in ending the war, and when it comes down to it, she’s one of the main reasons why  _ all _ of us are sitting here relatively unharmed. With her tactical skills, she got us through Horde Prime’s blockade. She helped liberate towns and villages in the Whispering Woods upon our return. She helped track our chipped friends down. And most importantly, she helped release Etheria’s magic from the Heart with Adora.” 

Glimmer steals a knowing glance to Bow, who beams back. Both look to Catra, who has shrunken into her chair and is giving them both an embarrassed death stare. Adora looks confusedly between her friends, trying to pick up on whatever silent conversation they’re currently having.

“And with that, I decree that Catra, former Force Captain and Second Commanding Officer of the Etherian Horde, is officially pardoned.”

A tear escapes Catra’s eye as the whole room focuses in on her. If she could, she would sink further into the chair until she disappeared. But she can’t. And she can’t find words in response to what just happened. She holds her breath. Never did she ever think that she and Sparkles would get along, and she never thought that anyone, let alone the Queen of Bright Moon, would vouch for her. The silence of the room slows down time. She doesn’t know what anyone is thinking. It isn’t until Netossa starts clapping and cheering when the energy picks up and she can see smiles break out on several faces as they join in applause. Firm arms wrap around and pull her in close. 

“I love you so much,” Adora whispers, kissing her forehead and rubbing circles into her back.

Catra finally exhales. She breathes in the faint scent of lavender and vanilla, nuzzling into the white fabric of Adora’s shirt. She doesn’t even care who sees this moment of vulnerability. Let them. They can insinuate whatever they want and come to their own conclusions.

“Wait but the last time I saw you before Horde Prime’s defeat, you were running away with Melog,” Entrapta points out.

_ This is why we can’t have nice things. _ Catra has always respected Entrapta’s observational skills and brutal honesty, but it is nicer when she’s not the subject of her analyses.

Catra unfolds from Adora’s embrace. “Well, Entrapta, I changed my mind.”

“Oh really? And what made you change your mind?” Glimmer teasingly chimes in.

A lock of purple hair separates itself from the bundle as it cups Entrapta’s chin as she ponders the piece of information. As she inputs it into her trackerpad and looks back up at Catra and then Adora, her face brightens and she furiously starts typing. “Given that you left  _ because _ Adora took the failsafe and upset you, but now you two are displaying an influx of affectionate behaviors, one can infer that Catra’s change of mind was a strong emotional response probably related to Adora! You could say it was a change of heart!” she beams, inputting her data.

Both girls are bright red. Adora’s beginning to pick up on the subtle feud between Glimmer, Catra, and Bow, as Catra’s furious blush and dagger eyes at the two betray her usual nonchalance and Glimmer and Bow’s giggle and smirk whispers back and forth while focusing all of their attention on Catra. Seriously, what were they talking about this morning? 

Catra crosses her arms, “Y’know, Horde Prime injecting a virus into the whole planet was pretty good motivation to turn around and help.”

“Yeah! You and Shadow Weaver did show up after the virus started infecting the planet,” Bow adds, feeling just the tiniest bit guilty for poking fun at Catra in a large meeting.

“Interesting I’ll have to make a note about that. Speaking of, where is Shadow Weaver?” Entrapta cuts in, still laser-focused on her task at hand.

All eyes are once again on Adora and Catra. They quickly meet the other’s stare and both pale. Instinctively, Adora takes Catra’s hand under the table and clutches onto it as if it would fall out of her grasp at any moment. The feline returns with her own firm grasp before both turn back to the faces around the table. King Micah searches them for answers as Casta shifts her eyes from the pair to her brother.

.

.

.

The longer their silence sits in their hollow frames, the more the answer settles into the group. 

Catra’s ear flicks in Adora’s direction. The pads of the blonde’s fingers rub against her thumb and the palm of her free hand in a squeezing motion. There’s more weight to her breathing. She’s trying hard to not break right now. Catra has her own conflicting feelings and unpleasant thoughts surrounding Shadow Weaver’s demise--hell, she honestly wants to yell and cry out right now--but one thing that she can see clearly now regarding her and Adora’s tumultuous relationship with their Commanding Officer is that Adora isn’t to blame for her treatment. And furthermore, Shadow Weaver did not love Adora. Or even favor her. She  _ never _ did. She instead programmed and utilized her, leaving her with no agency. Catra’s sure that being away from the Horde probably helped Adora realize that, but even three years later Catra has seen how Shadow Weaver’s molding and manipulations still exist in Adora’s mind, shrouding her in a sense of self-blame, obligation, and--

_ Worthless. _

Worthlessness. She really made them both feel as if their lives don’t have any value. That Catra only holds people back and has no value without Adora. That Adora’s value is conditional and solely dependent on what she can do for people.

_ You’re welcome. _

Catra is now the one to reach and embrace. Pressing her frame against Adora’s tense one, she rubs up and down her shoulder and arm, rumbling a small purr. “Hey, breathe for me, okay?” she whispers into her ear, listening and waiting for an eased breath to come. Adora’s been doing the same for her since the Velvet Glove. Now she’s helping her. They’ll just have to support and help each other.

As she quietly talks Adora through her distress, the room remains quiet and solemn.

Entrapta hesitantly breaks the silence. “So is she…” The question dies on her lips, but Catra makes eye contact and gives a single resolute nod in confirmation. Entrapta nods back and begins to type again on her trackerpad.

* * *

After a much-needed 30-minute breather from an emotional first half of the morning, the Alliance meeting continued and concluded without a hitch. Effective tomorrow, the newly named Etherian Union--because what was there to even rebel against anymore--would begin reconstruction with immediate aid being sent to the Kingdom of Salineas and to villages in the Whispering Woods. There were still many things to discuss over the coming days and weeks, like what would become of the Fright Zone, how to handle all of the misplaced Horde clones, what to do with Hordak, when it would be acceptable to throw a ball to celebrate the end of the war, will there be any Horde loyalists lingering and how much of a threat are they, the list went on and on. But this was a good start. 

Adora and Catra still sit in their chairs, watching as the room fills with talkative and restless energy as people get up to mingle. The blonde’s less shaken now, and she sweeps her gaze from Bow and Glimmer to the girl sitting next to her.

“So… what  _ did _ you talk about this morning?” she smugly cocks an eyebrow and folds her arms. 

Catra annoyedly sighs, taking time to carefully choose her words, “We talked about  _ a lot _ , but I briefly mentioned finding you in the Heart, and of course that sent our friends in to a fucking tizzy.” She keeps it vague and leaves out the reason why she sought out Glimmer and Bow in the first place. They barely even got to talk about what happened last night because Sparkles and Arrow Boy digressed. A lot. 

_ “I probably should get going--Adora’s definitely awake by now and I should go see how she’s doing and ask her about the meeting.” Catra jumped off the window seat and reached the door. Glimmer and Bow rolled off and followed her to see her out.  _

_ As Catra was about to head down the hall, Glimmer gently tugged her wrist from the doorway, only to quickly let go when Catra slightly flinced. “Sorry! Still working on boundaries,” she hesitantly smiled. _

_ Catra nodded in acknowledgement. Glimmer’s smile faded into a more serious, worried face. “I know we didn’t really get to talk all that much about last night. We both know that’s why you came by.” _

_ “It’s alright Sparkles, we’ll talk about it later when things are more organized… I have a feeling that this is more than just last night’s nervous episode. I… I would know.” _

_ “Yeah Bow kinda filled me in on what was happening down here while we were, y’know, beamed up into space.” _

_ He entered the door frame behind Glimmer. “And know that you can come talk to us anytime if you’re comfortable. We want to support Adora and you. You guys are our friends.” _

_ “Thanks guys.”  _

_ Catra began to slink away. _

_ “Hey, um, Catra?” _

_ “Yeah, Bow?” _

_ “Physically, is Adora okay? It’s just that she tends to get hurt or doesn’t take care of herself and then tries to hide it and dismiss it. And not that I ever doubted her, but… there was a moment where we thought that she didn’t make it to the failsafe, or it didn’t work...” _

_ “That’s because it didn’t at first.” _

_ Both Bow and Glimmer turned to each other in shock. “What? How did--” _

_ “Look, I found Adora after some creature down there sliced a large gash into her side and infected her with Prime’s virus. It also got me on my leg, but Adora was definitely in worse shape.” _

_ “But she  _ is _ okay now?” Bow pressed. _

_ “Yeah, she’s got a few scrapes and scars, but I don’t think I’ve seen anything bad. I mean, she has the failsafe scarred into her chest now--I don’t know if she’s noticed it yet, though--but I haven’t seen anything other than that. I’ll keep an eye on her.” _

_ Glimmer stood there, pondering for a moment before looking Catra up and down. “You said the creature got you, too?” _

_ “Oh, yeah. But it got healed. There’s a dull ache and a faint burn, but I’m okay. I think my clothes retained more damage than I did,” she let out a laugh, kicking her leg lazily out. They all looked down at the large tears on her stocking. “I am gonna need new clothes, though, since we’ve been fighting, running, hiding for weeks, and the infected guardian creature ripped through one of two changes.” _

_ “Right! Good thing you’re at least healed…” Glimmer whistled. Suddenly, her brows furrowed and she turned to look at Catra again in deep thought. _

_ Catra stretched her arms up and eventually began carding her claws through her short thick mane. “Yeah, though I thought we were going to die. It surprised me that we even ki--” she choked on the word, trying to recover from her slip up, but she didn’t even need to blurt the whole thing for the two in front of her to register the information she just accidentally spilled. _

_ Sparkles spun her whole body to face Arrow Boy as they started babbling and ‘awwing’. _

_ “Hey! Stop it you two. You’re both doing that thing with your faces,” Catra snapped. _

_ “No wonder Adora came out glowing!” Arrow Boy squealed as his eyes grew big. _

_ “No--what?--No, she was glowing because she found She-Ra again!” her voice went up as she flustered. _

_ Sparkles folded her arms, shifting her weight back. “Uh huh, and just  _ how _ did she manage that? Because it sounds like it was through the power of love,” she drew out the ‘o’ in ‘love,’ making the cat’s tail bristle as the couple teased her.  _

_ “Ugh! You guys are the fucking worst!” Catra groaned and stomped off in search of Adora. _

_ “Wait Catra come back! We need to know who confessed first! We have bets to settle!” he shouted after her, still smiling. _

_ “Fuck you!” she replied. _

Catra doesn’t want to hide her relationship with Adora--she’s actually rather elated to be able to be more affectionate considering it wasn’t allowed back in the Horde--but she’s always been more of a private person, and she wanted to leave the secret-swapping and pillow fights--or whatever Adora, Sparkles, and Arrow Boy do as friends--to Adora because of the response she knew it would evoke. It’s a bit late for that now, though.

Adora snorts at Catra's comment, “ _ Our friends _ , huh? It’s almost like you like them! Are you going soft on me?”

“What?! No!”

Both girls burst out into laughter as they push and shove each other in their chairs, enjoying the organic, easy flow of conversation that they have been having for the majority of the day. 

A nervous Bow approaches them, switching his glance back and forth between Glimmer, who’s on the other side of the table half-invested in a conversation with Mermista and signalling to Bow with her hands, and the two at the table--Catra now sitting in Adora’s lap--who have already picked up on his antics.

“Heyyyyy guys,” his voice cracks.

“Don’t think I didn’t see you and Sparkles conspiring over there.”

“What? No…” he lies, voice still cracking. “I just came by to say good morning!”

“I saw you literally after the first moonrise.”

“But I haven’t seen Adora! How are you? Loving your outfit!” Nervous energy is just radiating off of him.

“Bow, I wear the same thing everyday,” Adora says. She lets her focus go over to Glimmer, raises a brow, and smirks. The Queen facepalms.

Bow chuckles and tries to think of some way to ease back into conversation. “Yeah, but you’re not wearing your jacket today! That’s something different!”

_ My torn, bloody jacket on the floor of my room. _

Adora senses Catra stealing a glance at her. Her partner must’ve noticed the unease as her smile falters. After the events of yesterday being preserved in the jacket, Adora has no wish to put it on. She knows that she could easily get it patched again and that the blood will come out as it has before after other battles and situations, but this time she just wants to let go. It was her favorite article of clothing--the one thing that was hers and hers alone in the Horde. And in the Rebellion, it was her last tie to her old life, to Catra. But now… she doesn’t want it. She can’t wear it. She won’t wear it. Even if it got repaired again.

“Y’know, I think I expressed wanting some different clothes this morning,” Catra snarks. Adora grows a slight smile and softly laughs at the comment. Catra’s always been good at reading her emotions and responding to a situation. 

“Right! We can go to the tailors today or tomorrow to fill your wardrobe. Oooh maybe we can make it a Best Friends Squad trip and we could all get new clothes! I could help you decide what to wear!” he beams, voice building in excitement as he plans the rest of their day.

“I’m pretty sure I have better fashion sense than you, Captain Crop Top. But sure, we could all use an update and some  _ variety _ in our closets.” 

Both sets of eyes wander to Adora. She’s snorting in laughter at the new name Catra’s given to Bow. It isn’t until she opens her eyes to wipe away a tear that she sees both staring at her. “What? My clothes are fine!”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“They are! They’re functional in battle and serve their purpose.”  _ And they give me some sense of purpose. _

“Yes, but Adora, do  _ you _ want to wear them? You don’t have to keep wearing the same uniform forever.”

Adora pauses. And turns inward.

Putting her palm against Adora’s cheek, Catra draws her to her eyes. “Hey, we can talk about it later,” she slowly blinks.

“What’s going on?” Glimmer strolls up behind Bow and hugs him on the side. He gives her a peck on top of her head. 

“What’s going on with you two?” Catra judges.

“Yeah, what’s this?” Adora motions back and forth between the two of them. “Did you guys finally find the guts to admit your feelings for each other?”

Glimmer and Bow look quizzically at the blonde.

“How did you know we both had unexpressed feelings for each other?” Bow asks.

“I mean, I had my suspicions since Princess Prom, but it’s been pretty obvious recently.”

The pair blush, but Glimmer then laughs teasingly and goes in for the kill. “Oh you want to talk about  _ obvious _ ? Adora, I’ve seen you and Catra fight like exes, banter, make things  _ super _ personal in the middle of a fucking war, sleep in the same bed, cuddle, hold hands, blush and giggle like idiots,  _ and that’s just scratching the surface. _ Yet you two are  _ so dense _ that you were literally the last two people to figure out that the other had feelings. And let me tell you,  _ everyone _ figured it out pretty early on.”

Catra and Adora go wide-eyed.

“Speaking of, can you  _ please _ tell us what happened in the Heart?”

Adora thinks about mentioning Catra’s confession, but she can’t bring herself to expand on the circumstances that brought them to that point. 

Or that she was pretty much dead. 

Maybe one day, but not today.

Smiling sweetly, she shakes her head.

“Nope,” Catra pops the ‘p.’ She doesn’t want to elaborate on her other half dying in her arms as she broke down and yelled at her to wake up, whispering how much she loved her and begging her to stay. 

The Queen scowls and Catra puts on a toothy grin. It doesn’t reach her eyes. In fact, her eyes make contact with Sparkles and then travel back to the other side of the table and she nods her head in that direction. Sparkles nods and heads over in the direction. Unfolding herself from Adora, Catra hops off and follows.

“Hey, um, Sparkles, in the meeting… for me… that was…” she meekly holds herself, rubbing her arms and dropping her eyes downward. Her ears fold as stays close, wrapped around her shin. 

Sparkles watches on, hesitant and unsure of whether to reach out or stay put. Inhaling deeply through her nose, Catra tenses before dropping her breath and unfolding her stature into a more focused, relaxed state. Confidence now a little stronger, Catra tries again. “Glimmer, thank you… for what you did back there. I really don’t deserve it.”

The Queen takes her hands. “But you do. You might not believe it now, but I know it, and so do Bow and Adora. And the longer you’re around, the more people will see it and agree.”

The feline uneasily nods, deciding not to push back against it.

Now overcome with her own set of nerves, Glimmer draws back, chuckling, “Actually, I’ve been thinking and I wanted to run something by you… well, a lot by you.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“Well, I want you to be the Alliance’s Commander Tactician…”

Catra nods, sensing there’s more.

“And furthermore, I’m going to need more structure as a ruler, and I was wondering if maybe…  _ you  _ would be my Chief Advisor.”

This takes Catra aback. “ _ Me? _ Why me?”

“I know you’ve only just gotten to Bright Moon, and I know it’s a lot to ask of you, and I’m just  _ assuming _ that you’ll be in Bright Moon now, which is stupid, because I don’t even fucking know if you want to stay, or if Adora wants to stay for that matter, but all the time up on that dumb ship in space with no one around was a lot, but you helped so much, and I know you’ve only just joined us, and you’re probably wondering, ‘Oh why not your boyfriend? Or She-Ra for that matter?’ and while they are my best friends, I need someone who is less optimistic--oh fuck, I mean more realistic--and isn’t going to lie to me and won’t take my shit and--” 

Her rambling stops when Catra puts a hand on her shoulder.

“Okay,” her face breaks into an even, reassuring smile.

She’s snatched into a tight hug. 

A muffled voice says into her shoulder, “Welcome to Bright Moon.”

* * *

Their conversation about future planning is broken apart when a pincer lightly taps the Queen’s shoulder from behind. Glimmer and Catra both look up to find Scorpia waving, anxiously smiling. “Hey! Can I talk with Catra for a minute?” 

Glimmer nods and regards Catra, giving her a small parting wave before heading over to her dad.

“So… Shadow Weaver, huh? I did not see that coming with her being all power-hungry and stuff,” she uncomfortably chuckles, thinking back to the earlier news of her demise.

“Yeah, um, it was unexpected. The selfish drunk bitch still managed to fuck with our heads until the end, but yeah,” she grimaces as her hand finds its way to the back her head, fingers getting lost in the short brown tresses.

“Wait what?”

“Oh yeah she was totally fine sipping her wine while watching the world burn and letting Adora die to get more magic and shit. She was literally the fucking worst and--”

“No no no, that last bit. Did she do something to you guys down there? Are you both okay?”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess,” Catra begins to pull into herself, growing smaller as she wraps around herself. The destructive flames of her anger and distress grow larger as it licks at the edges of her internal hatred and conflict, looking for something to catch and ignite. “It just--it took me a while to realize that she did just as much damage to Adora as she did to me… and even under Mystacor, even in the Heart, she was still manipulating, still using us and pushing us apart for personal gain and vengeance. That self-serving bitch burst into flames right in front of us, saying ‘you’re welcome’ as if she did us a great service.”

Scorpia shifts in stance. Downtrodden, she starts, “Catra… I’m sorry I left you in the Fright Zone. I knew that you were hurting, but it was just that--”

Brows furrowed, Catra shuts down her apology before she can even finish. “Stop! Scorpia, why the hell are you apologizing for that?” Realizing her sudden outburst at the person who has received the brunt of Catra’s negativity and deserved none of it, she breathes, collecting herself and her thoughts.

She reaches out and takes her pincer. “Scorpia… you have nothing to apologize for. Absolutely nothing, okay? I should be the one apologizing--for everything. And I wanted to say that yesterday. You had every right to leave that situation,” she says with sincerity.

“Wildcat…”

“No. I was absolutely horrible to you, and you stayed and endured so much of it. You were there for me in every single way, and yes, I was hurting from Adora leaving and from Shadow Weaver and Hordak, but it does not excuse how I treated you. I know that I treated you like complete shit and you do not have to accept my apology, nor do you have to forgive me. Maybe we won’t be able to rebuild our relationship. But no matter what, I am happy for you. You were able to save Entrapta by leaving and you’ve found better people here,” her voice strains, barely holding her resolve.

“You’re right. You did hurt me. And it hurt to see you hurt yourself by constantly pushing people away. It’ll take some time for us to heal and rebuild, but I think it’s possible. You’ve grown a lot since the last time I saw you. And you seem a lot happier, too,” her eyes shift over to Adora across the room. Catra follows her gaze. “Thank you for the apology. I… don’t know if I can fully forgive you for everything yet, though. I know Entrapta did while you all were on the ship, but,” Scorpia falters, though she does feel empowered by her honest communication.

“That’s okay, Scorpia. Don’t feel bad about it.” Catra pauses, gears turning. “You’ve been talking with Perfuma,” she hints, smirking.

“Yeah! Oh gosh, she’s just so nice and supportive, and--”

“You should definitely make your move.”

“Oh, I don’t--I don’t know about that… I haven’t been super successful in the romance department…”

“Scorpia, don’t let what happened--er, what didn’t happen--between us stop you. You obviously like her, and--don’t tell her I told you this but--she really likes you, too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, she wouldn’t shut up about how good of a friend you are and how much she cares for you and all that mushy stuff.”

“Aw, Wildcat get in here!” She picks her up and holds tight. 

Catra melts into the embrace, but soon needs to let go to breathe freely. “Hey. Scorpia. Air,” she manages.

Putting her back on the floor, Scorpia takes a minute to survey Catra, noticing the new way she holds herself, how much more simultaneously open and closed off she is. How she appears a little bit thinner and worn, yet she looks more alive and warm than she was last time. “You look better than last time. And I’m loving the shorter hair look!”

“Yeah, that wasn’t much of a choice on my part, but thanks.”

Scorpia immediately senses her apprehension from the tone of her voice. Ears dropping and shoulders curling inward, she shrinks even smaller.  _ Oh?  _ It’s only even more confirmed when Catra’s hand instinctively flies to the back of her neck. 

_ Oh _ .

Scorpia can’t recall anything from while she was chipped other than Prime’s control and thoughts and one brief moment of fuzziness in the Fright Zone. And she remembers Prime’s anger at Adora. And even moreso, his seething anger at  _ Little Sister _ .

_Little Sister_ , who originally disobeyed Prime and continued to resist and defy his will even when under his control.

_ Little Sister _ , whose shadowy elusive figure continued to pull at the edges of Scorpia’s blank mind.

_ Little Sister _ , whose raspy laugh constantly challenged authority both in the hivemind and in a previous life.

_ Little Sister _ …

Who was Catra.

“Does it still hurt?” she asks, leaving the question relatively open-ended.

“What? The healing chip wound on my neck or the memories of what happened?” Catra half-heartedly laughs, putting her protective walls back up again. Did Scorpia know what happened to her? Did all of the formerly chipped residents of Etheria and the greater universe see all of her suffering? Know every detail?

“If it makes you feel more secure, Prime covered up basically any and all information about you. I only just figured it out now when you put your hand on your neck, and I have a feeling that there was more to it than just a haircut and a neck chip,” Scorpia mutters at the end, both feeling for Catra and resenting Prime even more.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t say I had the best time on his ship…”

“I’m here if you do want to talk about it, though. I won’t push and maybe I’m not the best person to talk to, but it might help to open up and talk. I think a lot of us need that right now--just talking and knowing we’re all supported.”

The other girl stands in silence, taking in her words. She replies with a slow nod, still holding her gaze to the floor. Then, a small snicker passes through her lips. “You really spent a lot of time with Perfuma, huh?” her giggles turn into laughter. “You should just marry her on the spot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a month! I hope this long chapter somewhat made up for my inactivity here. I'll see if I can figure out some sort of writing schedule since I've started the second semester at school! I already have bits and pieces of the next few chapters written, so hopefully they'll be out sooner and on a more reliable schedule so that you all will be able know when they're released. I'm currently aiming to have the next chapter done by next Sunday, 2/28, so please hold me to it!  
> Obviously this is a more Catra-driven chapter. Also this is definitely one of the lightest and fluffiest chapters I have written (of course there's always going to be lots of introspection, realization, and hurt in there), and I honestly am really happy with how the conversation between Scorpia and Catra turned out. It needed to happen.  
> The song that gave me vibezzz for this chapter is "Everything Stays" - Adventure Time ft. Olivia Olson.  
> As always, please comment to let me know what you think! Seriously you guys are wonderful and your comments help so so much.


	6. Bleeding & Pooling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some truths that they can accept.  
> A lot they can't.  
> CW: Blood  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> If you'd like to see the accompanying art that goes with this chapter, it's posted on my Instagram @_aprilserein! I highly suggest reading the chapter first. Then view to your heart's content.

Of all places, Catra doesn’t expect to find herself back at the mosaic of the Queen she killed. At least she thinks she killed her--she certainly feels responsible for whatever happened to her, though. 

Maybe Glimmer would still have a mother. Maybe her dad and they could’ve reunited under better circumstances.

Or maybe not.

They only found him because she banished Entrapta and Scorpia left to save her.

But that still would’ve happened regardless of who closed the portal Catra opened.

Unless the Queen didn’t sacrifice herself.

Then the world would’ve ended.

Except it wouldn’t have because she _knows_ Adora definitely would have put herself in the Queen’s place. She would’ve found a way.

_Knowing her, even over a year later, she probably still thinks about needing to put herself in the Queen’s place._

_And if she did, it would have been the end of my world._

Because that’s just who Adora is.

Who she was programmed to be.

_Why did it take me so long to see?_

Because in hurting them, Shadow Weaver set them up to hurt each other while keeping herself out of the crossfire. They were pieces on a chess board. All of this was by design.

Isolate Catra.

Keep Adora oblivious.

Make Catra bitter.

Torture Catra. Threaten her life again and again.

Tell Adora she’s responsible for her. She’s to blame.

Use and break Catra.

_What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me?_

Use and break Adora.

_If you care about her, focus on protecting her. The world needs She-Ra right now, not Adora._

_And if She-Ra can’t stop Prime, then we’re all doomed._

  
  


Love was finite. Conditional.

They both believed it.

In a way, she still believes it. She doesn’t want to, but she’s waiting for it to be true, even if it never will be.

Waiting to be thrown in a prison cell.

Waiting to be banished.

Waiting to do something that makes Adora love her less.

And then not at all.

Waiting for Glimmer to lash out and punish her for opening the portal. For causing her mother’s loss.

Yet today she was _pardoned_. For everything she did, she isn’t facing punishment from the Queen and the Alliance. Do her good deeds outweigh the bad? The bitchy water princess doesn’t agree, but Glimmer seems to think so.

Maybe that’s why Catra’s here again in the vacant war room, hours later, staring at the divine being on the wall.

“I’m sorry,” she finds it meaningless now, but she feels the need to say it. Because she is. “... and thank you. For saving Adora. From herself,” she somberly chuckles at the last thought. Both girls really are self-destructive in their own way. 

Minutes pass. The sky slowly moves. Moonlight drifts subtly and the feline by the wall relies more on her eyes than the fading light to trace the outlines of the Queen immortalized in stone. Yet the soft light of the moons almost makes her glow, as if they are still connected, energies intertwined.

A larger figure appears at her side and stops, taking in the mural in silence. She decides not to disturb and keeps the silence, not shifting her gaze from what’s in front of them.

“Catra was it?” he lightly inquires, still looking at Angella above him, both in the mural and in the room.

She finally turns her body slightly toward him and nods looking up, “And you’re King Micah.”

He softly chuckles, “Just Micah now.”

There’s weight behind the statement, but she’s not sure she should ask.

He shifts and now trains his sight on her. “My daughter speaks highly of you. She told me that you’re a brilliant tactician and a good support. And you’re now her Chief Advisor,” he muses.

Sparkles obviously hasn’t told the King everything yet. Catra snorts, “She definitely wouldn’t have sung my praises a few months ago. In fact, she definitely used other choice words. And I did, too. ” Although this is her dad-- _the King_ \--that Catra’s talking to, she senses that he can take a joke or snide comment, even one that bites at his own daughter. If anything, this wall will keep him from thinking that she’s some kind of saint. He should know that she’s not a good person, even if she’s been on the ‘side of good’ recently.

His chest booms with laughter and lets it fill the crevices of the room in a joyful pride. “I’m sure you’d know her better than I do, but that sounds like my Glimmer. Even at a small age, she’s always been spirited,” he settles, wearing a bright smile, eyes full of love and gratitude. 

Catra can easily imagine a small Glimmer, no more than four, running around yelling obscenities after hearing them from a parent. She weakly smiles and chuckles. She anticipated this reaction.

What she doesn’t anticipate is his hand clamping down on her shoulder. And it jolts her. Body going stiff. Hair on end. Catra tries to stifle her gasp, but instead she chokes on it and ends up audibly inhaling even more air.

He registers this and recoils his hand. His eyes don’t read hurt, but worry, like he hurt her. And as she goes to hug herself, rubbing her fur back down, she peers back up in slight panic and apology. Slight recognition flashes through his expression, but it’s too quick for Catra to register and read. Nervously clearing his throat, he readjusts his stance, angling his body more open and clasping his hands in front, providing more space for her.

“ Thank you for keeping her safe,” he gently beams.

Catra’s attention shifts from Micah to Angella and back again. “You really shouldn’t thank me. I’ve caused a lot of damage and hurt a lot of people.”

But Micah doesn’t back away. In fact, he tries harder to reach out to Catra and get past her constricted wall. “I know about your history in the Horde from my daughter today and her friends months ago--Adora had briefly--”

“Then why are you thanking me?! I opened that fucking portal!”

She doesn’t let him finish.

“I know.”

The mural looms over Catra now.

Tired. He looks worn, but sturdy. Scars snake up his arms and around his shoulders, creeping underneath his shirt, surely twisting around his chest and back.

A souvenir from Beast Island she supposes.

Longing, but also at peace. A sad acceptance.

Silence.

“I’m sorry about Shadow Weaver. Not just her… _passing_ , but for how you two grew up in the Horde. No person deserves to have ever been subject to anything like that.”

 _How does he--_ Catra’s almost tempted to lash out in defense to keep from being pitied, but she’s also wondering how the hell he knows how they were raised, and more importantly, _who_ the fuck told him. So she lets her wall slightly crumble and lets Micah approach her.

“It’s okay. You wouldn’t have known how she raised us.”

“Great expectations? Constant talk about strength and weakness? Wanting to obtain more power?”

Her eyes grow wide. “What? How did you--”

He turns and regards her, meeting her gaze with one of conflict and hurt. “I knew her as Light Spinner. And she was my mentor in Mystacor.”

Catra already vaguely knows this from their excursion to Mystacor two nights ago. His sister, Casta made it very clear that their history with Shadow Weaver was not one to recall fondly. But she senses that there’s more to it, so when Micah gestures toward the table and pulls a chair out for Catra, she obliges and sits, waiting for the man to sit and continue.

“She was my mentor until we cast the Spell of Obtainment. And then she wasn’t Light Spinner anymore. In retrospect, even as Light Spinner, there were elements of manipulation. I hadn’t noticed--I was young and naive. But she wanted to mold my power. Under her direction and only hers. She taught me all of the tools I needed to cast the Spell of Obtainment, and I, not knowing what it would do to people and to her, started to cast it. And then I stopped after I realized how dark the Spell was. It swallowed her and she became a magical parasite. Instead of using it to help fight the Horde like she originally proposed, she went and sought more power. She absorbed three members of the Sorcerer’s Guild and came for me next… but she spared me. I would like to think it was out of care, but I couldn’t reciprocate that back after what she’d done and where she went. I blamed myself for the longest time over what happened.” 

He strokes his chin, sitting on this thought. It obviously isn’t a new revelation for him, but some connection is happening as he ponders.

“I only found out about her whereabouts before I was exiled to Beast Island. She was behind a mask, but I could feel the disjointed fusion of dark and stolen magic radiating off her. She didn’t carry out the command or anything. She just watched me in my cell from a distance with a small girl--not much older than Glimmer at the time--holding her in a tight grip by the upper arm.”

That catches Catra’s attention. _Adora_. Not a hard piece to the puzzle, though now she was wracking her brain to try and remember anything of Micah from so early on.

“Did the Horde know that she was She-Ra?”

This man is full of surprises.

“No, but I think Shadow Weaver sensed something that made her want to use Adora for power.” She sees him nod thoughtfully at this. “How did you know?”

“I didn’t. She just has her own energy. It’s so different next to Shadow Weaver’s and a different tune to weaker sorcerer’s magic and even runestone magic. I noticed it briefly then, and again it felt familiar on Beast Island. It didn’t dawn on me until I received more context.”

If there’s one thing Catra’s learned since being back with Adora--although she’s learned _many things_ \--it’s that Adora avoids talking about the Horde. Her past. Catra’s past. Specifically the bad parts, which in retrospect, was a lot of the Horde. “What do you mean ‘more context?’ Who told you what?”

“Being in a room with her and Shadow Weaver was all I needed. Beyond their different magic signatures, it was quite tense. She wasn’t comfortable being there.”

She looks into her relaxed palms on her legs, sighing. _And I used to think that Adora enjoyed spending time with Shadow Weaver._

Sensing her unspoken regret and self-loathing, Micah moves on, “But if you’re wondering who told me about _you_ , well it was a few sources: Bow told me you pushed him off a cliff. Your girlfriend said very little, but enough for me to understand the situation after she broke She-Ra’s sword. There was the occasional grumble from a Rebellion member, but mostly I heard about who you are from my daughter.”

He leaves out how much Shadow Weaver would bring up her extreme disdain for Catra whenever Adora was present, making sure to highlight how Catra was second on Adora’s list of failures, right after voluntarily destroying She-Ra’s sword because “she was too weak” and not because she kept the planet from annihilation. He will tell her one day, but this poor girl seems to have more than enough on her mind right now.

Catra sits, considering this information. 

_Sparkles_. 

_Oh Sparkles._

She allows a smile to play on her face while her mind leads to mischief. Maybe Sparkles was singing her praises today, but Catra’s now determined to turn those singing praises in screaming profanities. Just to remind Sparkles that she befriended _Catra_ , not some soft, squishy stuffed cat to snuggle with.

She could let her girlf--

“Wait wait wait wait wait. Girlfriend? What are you insinuating?”

The mischievous twinkle that was once in Catra’s eyes transfers over to Micah’s. Sparkles is _definitely_ his daughter.

“I’ve spent less than a day in your company and it’s fairly obvious.”

Heat rises in her face. Has it really been that obvious this whole time? But furthermore, everyone keeps saying they’re girlfriends. _When_ did they become girlfriends? Because neither Catra nor Adora has said anything about the label until this morning, in which it was all in questions and dancing around in uncertainty.

“Do you and Adora know what that means?”

Obviously-- _just like everything else at this point_ \--Catra reads like an open book and Micah studies her, trying to piece together a better explanation. He flusters, a bit nervous about explaining the concept to the young adult sitting next to him. Awkwardly, he sighs, trying to humor both of them, “Of course the Horde never explained anything of the sort. Why would they?” 

“Y’know, you don’t have to feel obligated to explain this--I get the whole _relationship_ concept, I can just ask the married couple about labels and when they’re used and _stuff_.” She leaves the last part wide open and vague. She really doesn’t need this man she just met to explain anymore than he’s already determined to explain.

Micah genuinely laughs, slightly easing her discomfort, “Kid, Netossa and Spinnerella are definitely a much better resource, but to put your mind to at least some rest, it really is no trouble to tell you about the ‘girlfriend’ label.”

She would let him calling her ‘kid’ slide. Just this once. “Okay, shoot. Enlighten me,” she smirks.

“When your relationship is more… romantic, in a sense, sometimes people use labels like boyfriend, partner, girlfriend, companion, and so on.”

This isn’t news to Catra. “Well I know that, but…” she hesitates. Her wall’s already crumbling at the foundation, but she doesn’t want to bring it down. That’d leave her open, exposed. But she also thinks that in this private moment, with this weirdly chill and endearing man-- _who just happens to be the King of Bright Moon_ \--that she might be able to trust him. She weavers back and forth between her options.

“But?” Micah coaxes her, leaving the decision up to her, but showing that he’s willing to listen without judgement.

 _Deep breath. Here goes nothing_.

“Adora and I… we were close growing up, and even before she left me--” she slips, but doesn’t mean to, “-- _the Horde_ , I mean--we didn’t really have a label for whatever it was? It was just… _us_ . And after I joined Adora again, we had to adjust--we still do--but it’s _us_ again. Friends, partners, equals--whatever you want to call it. And Shadow Weaver… well she did her best in raising us to drive us apart. All throughout our lives. Maybe that’s why we’re uncomfortable and unsure in figuring it out--we weren’t allowed to ever do so before because we never stood a chance.”

Lifting her head meekly to gauge Micah’s reaction, she’s surprised with what she’s met with--clarity and admiration. He meets her eyes and holds a steady gaze. A warm smile spreads on his lips. “Then just exist as is. If you both have that mutual understanding and feel no need to label it for others, then don’t. Use what works for you--nothing’s set in stone.”

Catra relaxes into her chair, letting her tail release its tension and brush by her legs. “It’s really that simple, huh?”

“Sure, maybe not for everyone, but do what works for you. It’s your relationship, not mine or anyone else’s to control.”

“Well, thanks,” she replies softly. 

“Can I give you a hug, kid?” Eager not to have a repeat of the last time of contact, Micah lets Catra decide. She appreciates it. She’ll let ‘kid’ slide again. 

“Sure,” she snorts, “seems like everyone wants to hug me today.”

She’s quickly wrapped in his embrace. It’s different from Sparkles’ hugs in the sense that she’s shorter than Catra while Micah towers over her, but they both hug in the same way; it’s a sturdy embrace, but delicate with care and meaning.

It’s such a small thing, but Micah giving her some clarity and validation on the matter gives her some peace of mind. 

“You’re definitely Sparkles’ dad,” she truthfully jokes.

“And you two are two sides of the same coin,” he candidly replies, patting her back.

So _this_ is what a good parental figure is.

* * *

Adora finds herself alone, staring at the stars on the roof above her room. The meeting with the Princess Alliance took a lot out of her and she just needs a few minutes of alone time tonight to try and gather her thoughts.

Or at least make sure no one else can see her thinking.

Climbing usually doesn't give her trouble, but the wound on her side still seems to ache, sending the occasional sharp pain when she puts too much strain on it. Climbing up to the roof leaves her slightly exhausted.

So she just breathes, taking in the stars that now fill the night sky. She can read the sky like an ever-changing map. She was born under the stars in a different pocket of the universe, looking from a different perspective, but the stars still call out to her, beckoning her to understand. Some constellations spell out familiar words, ones the First Ones must’ve assigned when looking at the Etherian sky.

Maybe once summer returns to the Crimson Waste, she’ll go find Serenia and see it in real life.

Maybe Catra will come, too. And she’ll read the stars for her. And then she and her friends would go bring magic back to the universe and she could chart the stars and planets for herself. Only to be a mere observer, though. Only to step in where help is needed.

Maybe.

First she has to rebuild Etheria before shifting focus, though.

With that, she decides to head inside before the heat is zapped from her.

She struggles to stand up straight, however the pain quickly shoots through her side as she stays up for too long and collapses into a sitting position. Adora shakily gasps and grabs her side. The biting cold of the nighttime air eats away at her skin, but around the searing wound it soothes. Slowly, she leans back against the stone of the roof and catches her breath, wincing a bit when she breathes, but the cold air soothes as she gazes back up at the night sky.

As she unfolds, Adora pulls her hands away from the wound under her shirt. A small breeze rustles through, and the heat immediately leaves her hands.

They're wet. 

Looking down, she sees crimson coating the inside of one palm and lining her fingers on the other. She wipes off as much as she can, but the wetness clings, starting to turn sticky. Her eyes travel to her right side. A blotched dark stain stands out against her white shirt.

Frantically, she sits up and pulls at the bottom of the shirt, untucking it out of the way. Her hands fiddle at the hem of the shirt as she grips and rolls it up, revealing a soaked bandage. 

_How is it still open?_

The wound should've closed hours ago. Or at least bleed less, not more. Adora slumps back against the roof, trying to regulate her breath, hoping the cold will completely numb her.

She needs to fix this.

* * *

The note on top of the pyramid of pink, white, and gold boxes by Catra’s bed matches the ornate style of the numerous boxes--ranging from small to extremely large--littering her room. Lifting the card to read, she smirks and rolls her eyes. Bow definitely scrawled this. It’s too neat and orderly and enthusiastic for Glimmer to be the author.

_Hi Catra!_

_You’re currently not here in your room right now, so we’re dropping this off and leaving this note._

_Here’s a whole wardrobe of clothes for you based on our consultation with the tailors today! We hope that there’s enough clothes in here for you--we also made sure to get you accessories of different varieties._

_Let us know if something doesn’t fit or if there are things in here not in your tastes. We tried not to interfere too much, but you weren’t giving us much to work with._

_Love,_

_Glimmer & Bow _

_P.S. - Best Friends Squad fashion show? Please?_

Catra doesn’t understand how her simple request for needing only ‘a week’s worth of clothes’ turned into a fuckton of clothes in boxes, but it’s Bright Moon. Why is she even surprised at this point.

Literally all she needs is new clothes. Clothes she can walk around in. Fight in. Climb in. Flexible clothes. And nothing pink or sparkly. She’s now worried that Sparkles and Captain Croptop have supplied her with things that don’t reflect her at all. She already plans on redecorating this room somewhat. At least the wall color isn’t terrible. She can work with dark blue walls accented in gold. But the bed will eat her alive and there’s just so much… _stuff_ everywhere in the room. And that is a fact even without the plethora of boxes. 

She doesn’t _really_ see herself spending much time here when Adora’s right next to her, and right now she really can’t with all of the boxes occupying the majority of the space. She’s too tired to go through everything in the room, but she’ll search until she can find something to change into because quite frankly, she feels gross. 

Hesitantly, she takes a claw and slices through the string tying a box closed. Opening it, she expects to be glitter-bombed given the note Bow wrote, but instead she finds a bright red fabric. At first glance, looks new, but upon closer inspection, Catra sees the faintest lines of stitching intertwined throughout the fabric.

Like fine and delicate faded scars. 

Breath slightly held, she hovers above it. Then she sees another note--not anything grand or ornate like the first one, but a scrap of paper scrawled with a quick message. Almost like a secret note passed between her and the writer.

_I know she may not want to wear this right now, but I don’t think it’s something to throw away. I figured you might want to keep it._

She puts Glimmer’s note to the side and lifts the folded sturdy fabric out with care, letting it unfurl in her hands as she holds it up. 

Adora’s jacket.

Without the blonde filling its space it feels less lively, but it’s still a piece of Adora that Catra refuses to let go of. That jacket and the person who wore it for years brought safety, security, and love to her.

She hugs it close as she walks over to the empty set of drawers. Folding it up again, she sets it in her top drawer and goes back to her search for something to wear.

Although she originally loathed the idea of going through the packages, she's pleasantly surprised by what she finds and has opened about half of the boxes before finding a box full of athletic and lounge shorts of flexible and soft materials in varying shades of reds, grays, and blacks. While there are still articles of clothing she’s found that she absolutely will not wear-- most dresses, skirts, and anything ruffled, frilly, or pink--Catra finds herself putting away a large portion of things she’s received. Bow will be excited to learn that she’s keeping most of the crop tops that she received. Not so much because they’re crop tops, which was his main reasoning, but they are form-fitting and flexible. 

And because she looks good in them.

And she’s allowed to openly think that now and let Adora see.

 _Maybe I am going soft_.

Catra giggles at the thought as she picks out a pair of maroon shorts. Holding the bundle in one arm, she runs her other hand through her hair before it migrates to her right ear. She fiddles with the two pieces of metal she voluntarily poked through it earlier.

_“Catra--you’ve been in Bright Moon for less than a day are you really going to do that?” Adora scolded._

_“I mean, yeah why not. Sparkles has an earring, why can’t I?”_

_“I didn’t say you couldn’t! It just seems like super impulsive, and what if it hurts?”_

_“Eh nothing I haven’t experienced before,” she dismissed her with a hand flick, but let her tail move and linger on Adora’s forearm, ensuring her that she’d be alright. “And besides, I’ve always wanted a few piercings--I just never had the opportunity to get them until now.”_

_It was Sparkles who originally brought up the topic when trying to accessorize in a shop. She’d never take out her mother’s earring, but she’d been considering poking in a few more to add to her aesthetic--something she was never allowed to do growing up. As she explained the various spots on her ears that she wanted to pierce, Adora brought up that the piercings would be constellation-like. And Glimmer said ‘that’s why they’re called constellation piercings’ as if it was the most simple thing in the world._

_At this reaction, Adora turned to Catra to gauge whether or not Catra knew about piercings in general, in which she voiced that she had thought about getting one._

_And so Sparkles grabbed her three friends and next thing they knew, they were in a piercing studio. Not being able to do much growing up seemed to give both her and Catra even more incentive to do it at that moment._

_Bow and Adora stood to the side, watching intently. Adora was tense. Bow was in awe. He called it a ‘real bonding moment’ and said that their piercings would be a marker of their friendship. Glimmer and Catra looked at each other, looked at Bow with daggers, and turned back to each other and snorted at such a notion._

_Catra didn’t even flinch as the metal pushed through. A small gold hoop was then put in and clasped shut._

_Adora exhaled. “At least it’s one and done.”_

_She couldn’t help but laugh, “Well I was only going to start with one, but hell, I may as well do another since I’ve already started.”_

_“What?!”_

Catra is not sure if she’d call today’s shopping trip and impromptu ear piercings necessarily ‘real bonding moments,’ but she finds herself more patient with Adora’s two friends… and maybe even enjoying spending time with them? They still get on her nerves, but it’s nice to know that there are others that do care about her. Bow may fawn over things that are ‘cute,’ but he also constantly checks in and makes an effort to make people comfortable and validated. Glimmer is a lot of glitter, but even more so grit. She’s always been a pain in the ass, but so has Catra, and it turns out that when they both share the same sentiments and mischief, they can have a lot of fun terrorizing others. They both got piercings not only because they wanted to, but mostly out of spite. Unfortunately Micah’s right. Two sides of the _exact_ same coin.

 _Micah_.

Micah’s the second person Catra’s met that just accepted her for her--the first being Adora, of course. But even after everything she has done, he’s held no judgement. And Catra thinks he should. 

Sighing, she shakes herself out of the thought before it spirals into something that will ruin her night. 

So she considers going back to the clothes, but the more she stands there, the more she realizes how strong the perfumed scent of the clothes and boxes are. It may be a product of its environment, but it’s one that overwhelms everything else. She decides to let her shirts air out overnight. 

The brush off the roof and the quiet patter of feet landing onto stone catches her ear. Listening more closely, she hears the shower turn on.

Maybe Adora will let her steal a shirt.

* * *

Adora finds herself staring into the mirror at a shivering wet body for the second time today. Small scars lay scattered throughout her body, but she takes notice again of the scar developing in the middle of her chest. One arm holds onto her while the other hovers over the etched skin. The lines have darkened since this morning. Slight heat radiating. Angry and deep pink. And so rigid and clear.

Almost like it’s branded onto her skin.

_Well, it burned onto my soul, so why not leave a physical reminder of the pain by burning into me?_

The more serious marking reminds her the intensity of the wound and how bad it is when she slightly twists her torso and ends up iron-gripping her upper arm while staring down at the open and now bruising gash on her right. 

_Where are you when I need you?_

It seems that She-Ra shows up more consistently now, but Adora’s realizing quickly that She-Ra only shows up for her friends. When they need her. 

But not for Adora.

She feels more at peace with the magic inside her than she ever has. Just not for things for herself. Usually She-Ra heals, but for some reason she’s left more artifacts behind on Adora. This time she barely even healed the cut and Adora hasn’t been able to align with her to fix it.

And to her, it makes sense. Using She-Ra to just heal her wounds isn’t the same as using She-Ra to heal and help others. Adora needs to help. And She-Ra can.

So she’ll wrap a new bandage when it bleeds and keep the cut clean. Throw on things to cover the failsafe and the gash.She’ll be fine.

* * *

“Adora I’m taking a shirt!” Catra yells, pushing a door open to the girl’s space. She won’t miss one of her compression tops. Adora may even miss it less when she finds out that the turtleneck will become a cropped tank with a few more tears here and there. 

She tiptoes in, even though Adora knows she’s there, even in the bathroom.

 _Metallic_.

_Earthy._

_Raw_.

Flooding into her senses as she steps into the room. _Adora, what have you done?_

Catra progresses into the room focused and alert, letting her sense of smell read the room as she takes a shirt from the closet and cuts it with her claws. She scans, not looking for something out, but places where things can hide. 

That’s where she finds the soiled bandage under papers in a waste basket..

“Adora?” she calls, nervous and concerned.

No answer.

“Adora?!” Now she’s really yelling and could care less. 

The blonde frantically swings open both doors to her bathroom. Panic fills the girl’s eyes as she scans her room for her distressed cat. Catra catches the sharp breath and wince from her after yanking open the door.

“Catra?! Are you alright?”

“Tch, I could ask you the same thing,” her tongue clicks. 

“Well, I just took another shower and have on clothes to go to bed, and I was doing fine until you called and--”

“Then lift your shirt,” she says in dead seriousness.

A slight recognition flows through Adora’s thoughts, but so does deflection. She can handle this. She grimly laughs, “Why would you need me to do that?”

“You said you were fine. Roll up the bottom of your shirt.”

Adora’s eyes guiltily flick over to a crevice behind her bed near a table. Catra bounds over. “Catra wait I--”

Out she pulls a shirt. The uniform in a matching set. Like the one covering the whole of Adora’s upper half and torso. Like the one Catra snatched and customized to make her own shirt. But this one she finds is stained.

With fresh blood.

Catra gathers herself, inhaling. She’s only showing her worry through biting anger and needs to dial it down. She needs to know what is going on--confirm what she fears is true.

“Adora, for the last time, roll up the bottom of the fucking shirt. Now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music that gave me vibes: "Ribs" - Lorde & "TALK ME DOWN" - Troye Sivan
> 
> This chapter may be shorter than last chapter. But BOY does it pack a punch... and many possible hidden forewarnings. 
> 
> I've decided that between school and also figuring things out in my head, I'll be updating this every other week, so tune back in around 3/21-ish to see if I pull you up or fully drop you from the cliff I'm leaving you all dangling on :')
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments! I'm so happy that people are enjoying this fic and giving such great feedback. You all are so so wonderful. I'll plug the insta here again @_aprilserein it's where I post all of my art (in which most of of it will be related to 'After Prime' and just post S5 SPOP because it's such a fun open thing to draw!)
> 
> As always, drop a comment down below any let me know what you're thinking/any constructive feedback! Can't wait for you guys to read more. I have a direction and a plan and it's going to be an interesting ride. Thank you all so much and see you at the next update!


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